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How did you get hooked in the first place?

English It started a long time ago, after the 1994 Dove Awards—when I had the affair with Marabeth [Jordan of First Call] and gave up the Dove awards and all that stuff. I was staying at a friend's house a few weeks later. I had the flu, I was by myself, and I was in a lot of misery because I'd never really been by myself before. I always had either my wife or my mother with me. I was all alone, so I called my mother and I asked her, "I don't know what to do." And she said, "Find some Tylenol and get that feeling out."

So that's what I did. I found something that had Tylenol in it, but it also had other stuff in it too. I took it and I ended up feeling a thousand times better. For a person with the flu to walk around like it's nothing, I was thinking it was a miracle drug. I had taken this medication before, but it never dawned on me to take it when it wasn't prescribed—to take it when I didn't need it. With all that other stuff going on at the time while I was sick, that medication had me feeling better not just physically, but also mentally, not caring about what's going on outside of my four walls. It made me believe that I could just get away from it all and start taking that medication. I didn't become addicted then, but it was the starting point.

I would find excuses after I got over the sickness. It would start on the weekends when I'd go out partying and drinking—all that crazy mess that I used to do. One night led to another, and I got to the point where I was taking it everyday. Before long, I was a full-blown addict who couldn't live without it.

When did you hit rock bottom?

English I hit several rock bottoms, to be honest with you, but the biggest one came when I had no more money to buy drugs. I would do whatever I could to get more, so I'd sell stuff on eBay to get money to buy drugs, or visit the doctor, or go to the hospital … there's always a way. When you're an addict, you're going to find a way to get it.

What was your wakeup call?

English I was lying on a couch at a friend's house, taking all the pills that I could find for that evening. I'd work out a situation that I had a whole bottle of OxyContin coming in within every couple of days. I fell asleep, and the next thing I know, I'm dreaming that I'm floating in the air—like I'm standing over myself, looking at myself. It was like God was showing me what I had become.

It was like I couldn't even recognize myself. I hadn't showered in weeks. My hair and my beard were all grown out. And I heard a couple of questions: "Is this the way you want it to end? Is this the way you want your daughter to remember you?" They were the two questions that God gave me to point me in the right direction and make me think.

What happened when you woke up?

English When I woke up, that's when I finally accepted the fact that I was nothing anymore. I couldn't sing anymore. I'd lost my voice. I had come to the conclusion that I was going to die this way. I even told people that I was going to be dead before 40, and I was comfortable with that—I was actually OK with that. But God wasn't, and I know then that he wasn't. He started a work in me and he's trying to finish it if I allow it.

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