Working It Out
With his latest CD, rapper John Reuben wears his heart—and his struggles with faith and doubt—on his sleeve.
Robert Ham | posted 12/22/2009

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To hear John Reuben's music and to see his goofball videos, you wouldn't necessarily pin the 30-year-old rapper from Columbus, Ohio as being one of the more thoughtful voices in the Christian hip-hop scene. Yet, even in the most easygoing track of his elegantly produced and deeply funky sixth album Sex, Drugs and Self-Control, which releases today, Reuben proves that the currents of faith and struggles with both modern society and modern Christianity are flowing freely. Reuben took time out of gearing up for his early January tour to give Christianity Today some insight into the inspirations and questions that fueled his latest creation.

John Reuben
I found some footage online of you rapping in a church when you were 13. Is it safe to say that you have been into hip-hop for most of your life?
Yes it is. That video is not the greatest performance. I was tooling around with it when I was young, probably even a little younger than that. Whenever I got the opportunity to perform, I would do it. And when I got older, that's when I would go to open mics and try things out.
What was it about hip-hop that interested you so much?
I thought it was very creative. When you're young, you don't really think about that stuff too much. Something either registers or it doesn't. For me, at a young age, I didn't listen to rock; I would listen to mostly hip-hop stuff. And for whatever reason, I was into writing. I would put poems together and had a few of them published. So, something about the lyricist and wordsmith putting together really creative rhymes and sounds alongside really cool and vibe-y music is kind of what got me.
But your mom was running a record label that released heavy metal. Did that not interest you at all?
As I got older I had an appreciation for metal after going to some shows. She kind of grew up in a really strict home and a church that didn't allow music or anything that appeared to be of the devil. That was kind of crazy. But my mom snuck out and was going to Petra shows and it progressively got crazier and crazier with groups like Vengeance Rising. She was always sneaking us around to metal shows, but I was definitely not passionate about it. I was more into the mix tapes that people would make for me of different hip-hop artists. That's what I pulled from.
What did your mom think about you wanting to perform hip-hop?
She was fine with it, very supportive. I think she's proud. She likes to keep up with what I'm doing and she'll tell me every now and then, "I like that song … that video was good." Or, "That was boring, you should put more energy into your music." She likes to offer advice, but otherwise she seems really happy with what we've done.
You've dealt with anxiety and depression in your life. What has that been like for you, and how has it affected your music?
I've always been good at finding escapes from unwanted realities in my own life. When I became fully aware of it, I found myself working through whether or not that's what God was to me. Part of faith in a loving God is being present in your own life and the lives of others, which forces you to be honest with the ugly and unfortunate things from your life and the world around you. This turned into complete hopelessness in the times that I couldn't reconcile that a loving God is in control. Since I was young, music has been how I've processed my insecurities, doubts, and fears. You can't force songs out that you don't have, so naturally these issues are going to show up in my music if this is what I'm wrestling with.