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I was never an alcoholic or a party girl, but I dabbled a little. And I also wanted to sleep the day away. It never got out of control, but after class, I would take half a bottle of NyQuil to sleep the day away.

Were you trying to kill yourself?

Hale: In the back of my mind, I kind of wanted to die, but I had fears of going to hell if [I killed myself] and I was really confused. I was depressed enough where I wanted to, but I would still pray all the time, and deep down, I wanted to live a good life and get better, so I never carried it through.

Did your parents ever notice?

Hale: By that point I was in college and living on my own.

Did your friends ever question all these knives you had laying around?

Hale: They didn't see them. You hide that stuff!

What if you got caught? Did you ever fear you'd be accused of trying to hurt someone, especially because you were technically carrying a concealed weapon?

Hale: It's a weird way to live. I used to always think, What if I was pulled over and they saw the knife and it had blood on it?What if they saw the DNA on it was mine? It was an awkward and weird way to live my life, and I found myself lying all the time. "Oh I got scratched by my cat." I can't tell you how many times I said that.

And people bought it?

Hale: Yeah, because on the outside I had it together enough. I really loved the Lord and wanted to do good, but underneath all that was a huge battle in my life. I didn't want people to know 'cause they'd think I was crazy and that I didn't love God. When I went to college, I started leading worship, but my life got so bad behind the scenes, I actually stepped down from my position. I wanted to do right and please God, but at that point, I just couldn't keep up leading worship and then leading this double life, so I stepped down.

What was the turning point that led you to the road of recovery?

Hale: It was my second year college and I just hit rock bottom. There were several things God used in my life, starting with my family, recognizing things were not okay. They were concerned, and that's when I remember thinking this is actually out of control.

Once she hit rock bottom, Hale saw the light

What did rock bottom look like?

Hale: I had gone the deepest I ever had with my cutting, and I remember covering myself with a really bloody rag. I was in my apartment and I dumped a bottle of Ibuprofen pills in my hand and started popping 'em, but there always was this deeper part of me that wouldn't let me take my life and I stopped after only a few. I believe God implants that in every human soul. I remember reading Psalm 147:3 about God healing the brokenhearted and binding up our wounds. I heard it growing up, but it really hit me at that desperate, rock bottom place in my life.

How did you break out of the cutting cycle?

Hale: It's hard to quit any addiction cold turkey. First, I had to get rid of the knives and figure out a different way to deal with emotions. I'd gone three months without cutting [after I took the pills], but then I relapsed. Normally when I cut myself [in the past], the voices of failure would fill my mind, but for first time there was silence. I felt God pick me up and say, "Okay, let's do it again." For years I heard awful, ugly voices, but that was the first time God taught me what grace means, and that he was there every step of the way on the road to healing. I just sat on the floor [after that relapse] and everything was silent. I felt so safe and loved.

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