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A Voice for the Sinned-Against, Part 1

Ministry to survivors of sexual abuse
A Voice for the Sinned-Against - Part 1

I walked into church in December 2007 as a 32-year old new Christian, full of anger, hurt, and bitterness. I spent much of my life feeling like a failure and did not see a purpose for myself. My father left when I was very young. My mother was searching for her own self-worth and didn't have much time for me or my sister. My stepfather did not treat us like his own. Because of my mother’s instability, we moved all the time. I never made close friendships. I was very shy and an easy target for bullying, which I endured at every school I attended, all the way through high school. Soon after high school, I married someone who would "love me" and give me purpose, but I found out that fairy tale was just that—a fairy tale. He was extremely cruel and physically abusive. My eldest son was born during my teenage marriage. By the time I was 21, I had been married, divorce, and a single mother—mad at the world. The older I got in life, the angrier I grew at God. I was never taught anything about God growing up, but I knew for the most part he could give me purpose, and since I felt I had no purpose, I resented him.

I accepted Jesus after I discovered a book buried in a box inside my garage. The book, The Sermon on the Mount by Emmet Fox, had been left there by the previous owners of our house. I felt God went out of his way to reach me so I had this renewed sense of joy and belief that maybe I did have a purpose. I enrolled into Bible college after accepting Christ, and my family and I quickly found a church home. Being around others who longed for Jesus was exciting! However, I could not get over the feeling that something was missing in the church. I was there almost every day as women's ministries had events five days a week. But it wasn't until being in school one evening, nine months after I accepted Christ, I realized I had no relationship with him. I had accepted Jesus as my Savior but I had not gotten to know him on a personal level. I then ascertained what I had been feeling. There is something missing in some churches—hope for a life of victory.

The Pain Is Deep

I brushed it under the rug that being in church for nine months as a new believer didn't help me draw closer to Jesus. I'm not suggesting I expected to be a spiritual giant, but I didn't know how to spend time with him, pray, or depend on him for my needs. I was in church every day and not growing—which is the sad case for many. Frustration began to burn inside me as I discovered many women in the church live with deep dark secrets that "tea gatherings" cannot cure.

A few years went by and through my continued studying of the Word, my relationship with Jesus grew stronger. I was taking a course on childhood sexual abuse when I discovered I was sexually abused as a child myself. I was not knowingly abused by someone I knew; instead, God revealed certain things that happened to me, at the hands of various family members, that I had managed to suppress. This explained a lot of my anger and also my apprehension with intimacy. God revealed this to me when my relationship with him was stronger so I was able to draw closer to him instead of live in more anger. But I began to think of the women who are abused as children and remember the horror of what happened to them all their lives. Could they really get the help they need in church?

To be continued…

Saleama A. Ruvalcaba is wife to Omar and a mother of five. Her book Breakthrough: Your Doorway to a New Destiny was recently released. She is a home educator, Bible student, vice-president of her homeschool group, and member of the board of trustees, alongside her husband, at Cathedral of Praise in Cordova, TN. She writes regularly on her blog: salruv7.com.


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