A "personal relationship" with God. I kept quiet whenever anyone said that because, though I was a Christian, I wasn't sure I had a personal relationship with God.

When people used that phrase, it sounded as though they had an inside deal, a sort of hotline to heaven. For example, when I was trying to quit a job, my Christian boss was absolutely confident that I was doing the wrong thing. He sat me down and told me that God didn't want me to quit. "I was on my knees talking to God for three solid hours last night," he said, "and God definitely spoke to me. He told me you weren't supposed to quit this job." I countered by telling him that I hadn't gotten that message from God.

"But were you praying for three solid hours?" he pressed. "Has God told you you're supposed to quit?" I had to say no.

Personally, I don't hear voices. There have been occasions when I believe God firmly guided me away from one thing and toward another, but that makes my relationship more like an acquaintance—he doesn't guide me so directly very often. And I never hear voices.

In describing their personal relationship, some people also describe a great peace inside. "In the Garden," a beautiful hymn about prayer, expresses this well: "And he walks with me, and he talks with me, and he tells me I am his own. And the joy we share as we tarry there, none other has ever known."

For me, sometimes, it is a little like that—but only sporadically. More often, praying is hard work. It's something I know I should do but most days it doesn't produce a warm glow. So if a personal relationship with Christ is made up of warm feelings and direct communication, I can't claim to have a very good one.

What made me really nervous was the way some people would hint that all "real" Christians had their kind of warm, personal relationship with God. Inside me, a lot of guilt began to grow. Wasn't I a "real" Christian? Then why, no matter how much I cried out to God (and I can remember some particularly agonizing times when I asked God for just one word of reassurance) didn't I get that personal relationship I looked for? God wasn't as close as my roommate. He wasn't even as close as my grandfather. Only once in a while, when I wasn't looking for it, did God surprise me and seem to come very close.

I didn't become more comfortable with the phrase "personal relationship" overnight. It took a long time for me to realize that there actually was something very personal about my relationship with God—something that had always been there.

What I think we should mean when we say we have a personal relationship with God is this: God is a person, not an institution, idea, ideal, or principle. He is a person; all of his nature was expressed in Jesus Christ, a person who walked, talked, ate dinner, and had friends.

I am a person, too—not a dream, not a machine, not an animal, not a body or a spirit only.

Now how, as a person, do I relate? I may write letters or talk with someone over the phone. But I don't necessarily relate to others as a buddy. Factors such as age or social differences may keep a relationship rather formal. Still, certain things do happen when people relate:

1. Persons communicate ideas. My point of view is gradually, subtly affected by others. Likewise, God communicates ideas, helping me to understand his way of thinking.

2. Persons affect each other through love and encouragement. I can love my car to death, but I can't make it run any better. When I love another person, however, I do help that person "run better." God affects me tremendously, gradually, by the amazing way he loves me.

3. When a person is loved, he frequently begins to model his life after the one who loves him. My parents have loved me longer and harder than anyone else, and it's amazing how, more and more, I find their traits in me. When my friends love me, I find myself starting to talk like them and go to the same places they like. So my relationship with God is personal in that I model myself after him; I begin to want to be like Jesus.

4. When a person gives advice to a friend, he does it politely. I don't force friends to respond to my suggestions, even if I'm quite sure I'm right. That is true of God, as well. He never forces himself or his ideas on me. He is gentle, and, as a gentleman, he respects my freedom.

5. Persons help each other deal with trouble. Likewise, God helps me just that way.

So when I say I have a personal relationship with God, I mean this: God is a person and I treat him that way. I am a person and God treats me that way.

It does not necessarily mean that we communicate in a conversation. Moses did, apparently, but I don't. I talk, believing that God is listening; so far he has not talked back, though sometimes he has used my feelings and thoughts to point me in a different direction than I was ready to go. He has done most of his talking to me through the Bible.

I have to admit, I would like it better if I could see God and have a genuine conversation with him. I wish I didn't have to muster up faith to believe that he is constantly with me; I would like him to be obvious. But evidently that doesn't matter as much as I think. What matters is that I learn to believe God even when it's not obvious that he cares. What matters is that I allow him, as an unspeakable loving and completely wise person, to affect me, a person who needs that love and wisdom. He is doing that, and that is why I am no longer nervous about the phrase "personal relationship."

Make no mistake: I am not content. I would like to have a conversation with God. I would like to be with him "physically," whatever that would mean. I would like it if his love were absolutely, unshakably obvious.

Someday, I believe, it will be.

God is my Guide: Psalm 31:3; 48:14; Isaiah 58:11; John 16:13.
I have some important decisions coming up, and I need guidance on which way to go. I need to ask God to show me what's best. It's good to know he will be my guide.

God is my Father (Daddy): Matthew 6:9; Romans 8:15; Ephesians 3:14-15.
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God is my Counselor, Comforter: Psalm 7:8-11; Isaiah 9:6; John 14:16.
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God is my Teacher: Psalm 32:8; Isaiah 2:3; John 3:2; 14:26.
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God is my Judge: Genesis 18:25; Psalm 7:8-11; Isaiah 33:22; Revelation 19:11.
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God is my Friend: Proverbs 18:24; Matthew 11:19; John 15:15.
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God is my Helper: Psalm 54:4; Hebrews 13:6.
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God is my Mother: Isaiah 66:13; Matthew 23:37.
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God is my Husband: Isaiah 54:5; Revelation 21:2.
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God is my Shepherd: Psalm 23: John 10:11-16.
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These excerpts are from The Campus Life Guide to Knowing and Liking Yourself: Personal Best. This book is currently out of print, but check out these resources for teens.

Copyright © 1991 by Campus Life Books, a division of Christianity Today, Inc. All rights reserved. Excerpted from The Campus Life Guide to Knowing and Liking Yourself: Personal Best, pages 148-152, by Diane Eble. Used by permission. For reprint information call 630-260-6200.