You are citizens along with all of God's holy people. You are members of God's family. We are his house, built on the foundation of the apostles and the prophets. And the cornerstone is Christ Jesus himself. We who believe are carefully joined together, becoming a holy temple for the Lord.
EPHESIANS 2:19-21

Although labels may be true, they're not what God sees when he looks at you. According to Ephesians, he sees you as his child, part of the family of God.

So if you can't answer the question, "Who are you?" without giving yourself a label, maybe it's time for a deeper look.

Who Am I Really?
I went through a difficult time shortly after my daughter was born. Wanting to spend as much time with her as possible, I decided to work at home rather than immediately return to the workplace. But I quickly discovered I'd underestimated how much having a title, office, and regular paycheck contributed to my sense of self. I was thrilled to be a mother—but I mourned the loss of my identity as a briefcase-carrying career woman.

My friend Barbara went through the opposite experience. She'd spent most of her adult life happily raising four children. When her youngest son went off to college, Barbara found herself adrift. "I felt I had no purpose in life anymore," she recalls. She briefly took a job as a receptionist at a bank but found her new role as a working woman an unsatisfying substitute for the one she missed so desperately.

The phrase identity crisis has become something of a cliché. But the problem behind the phrase is painfully real. In our rapidly changing society, where roles and relationships—the things we typically base our identity on—are in constant flux, and identity crisis is all too common.

Barbara and I made the same mistake—we based our identities on external life circumstances that are subject to change. But recognizing the problem is easier than finding a solution.

Through firsthand experience, I discovered that the first step in developing a true identity is to be rooted in Christ. "Human relationships always fall short," says psychologist Beverly Grall. "But when you have a strong faith in Jesus Christ—and a strong sense of who you are in that relationship with him—you've uncovered the most dependable foundation there is for building an accurate sense of your identity."

I found it's also important to know yourself, not just your roles. For example, if I define myself simply as a mother, I will be devastated when my children grow up and my mothering role diminishes. But if I define myself as someone with a talent for nurturing, I'll retain my identity and find other ways to express it—even when confronted with an empty nest.

Questioning who we are is never easy, but it can serve a useful purpose—if we let it. "Pain gets our attention," says Grall. "W often grow much closer to God when we've experienced brokenness. In the same way, we often become better acquainted with ourselves when we go through difficult experiences as well."

I can attest to that. I probably never would have been sufficiently motivated to seriously inventory my gifts—and consequently develop who I am in Christ as my foundation—had I not experienced the pain and emptiness of losing my old identity.

But now, as a result of God's work and some of my own, I feel much more confident in who I am in Christ—in whatever circumstances I find myself in in life. And that's a liberating feeling.

—Janis Long Harris

2. Discover your spiritual gifts. When you derive your identity more from the gifts you have rather than from a specific way of exercising them, you won't lose your sense of self when your circumstances change.

3. Grow through pain. Emptying yourself of an old identity can be scary, uncertain, and exhausting. But it's important—because it allows God the space he needs to do his work in you.

—JLH

Faith Focus
How would you define yourself? Write down any words you can think of. How can You turn those labels into character qualities? (For example, a Sunday school teacher is someone who loves working with children.) What steps do you need to take today to broaden your horizons beyond the labels you've been giving yourself?

The 30 Days Series is a 3 book set offering 30 thought provoking daily devotions each. Each day's lesson offers a Scripture passage, short message or story, quote for the day, tips on implementing the lesson, and a suggested prayer. These 30 day devotionals are powerful little books that you won't want to be without. Order the 3 book set or pick from the 3 individual titles.

Copyright © 2001 by the author or Christianity Today, Inc. All rights reserved. Excerpted from 30 Days to a More Incredible You, by Ramona Cramer Tucker, pages 134-139. Used by permission. For reprint information call 630-260-6200.