Ignite Your Faith

RALPH'S SORE TROUT . …& OTHER FISHY EXCUSES

Ever stay home from school because of a hurtin' fish?

Ralph did.

Yep, some guy named Ralph missed school one day, and came in the next morning with this note from his mom:

"Ralph was absent yesterday because he had a sore trout."

No kidding. That's what the note said.

There are more. Check out these actual written excuses from parents:

"Please excuse Joyce from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday she fell off a tree and misplaced her hip." (I sure hope she finds it before the prom!)

"Please excuse John from being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33." (I hate those lo-o-o-ng winter months!)

"Chris will not be in school today because he has an acre in his side." (Wow! Talk about growing pains!)

"John has been absent because he had two teeth taken off his face." (I hope he wasn't wearing braces!)

"My son is under the doctor's care and should not take fizical ed. Please execute him." (Ouch!)

"Please excuse Johnnie for being. It was his father's fault." (Blame it on Dad!)

"Please excuse Ray from school. He has very loose vowels." (But I hear his consonants are doing just fine!)

"George was absent yesterday because he had a stomach." (I suppose he had some vowels too, but I guess they're OK!)

"Please excuse Sara for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot." (Thanks a lot, Mom!)

THIS JOB IS THE PITS!

Next time you even think about griping about your job, just think of Lori Schalke.

Her job literally stinks.

Officially, Lori is a "sensory consultant" for Helene Curtis' deodorant testing team. What that means is simple: Lori sniffs armpits for a living.

Yep. Every two hours, Lori smells the pits of 60 volunteers, taking three sniffs per pit. She rates them on a scale of 0 to 10, according to the presence of fragrance from the deodorant—and the presence of, umm, malodor. (Yeah, that means "stench"!)

Says Lori, "It's very draining, really."

WHAT'S A RINGO, ANYWAY

From the things-we-wish-we'd-never-said category:

"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out."

Who said it? A bigwig at the Decca Recording Company, in 1962. And who was he talking about? The Beatles!

I wonder how long that guy kept his job . …

Speaking of the Beatles, how much do you know about the Fab Four?

A little knowledge could win you a prize! Answer the following Beatles trivia questions correctly, and your entry will be placed in a drawing to win a free Sony MemoPak microcassette recorder, including tapes and batteries! (Retail value: $39.95! Available wherever Sony products are sold!)

THE QUESTIONS:

1) What was Ringo Starr's real name?

2) The Beatles appeared on a popular American TV show in 1964. Name the show. (Hint: The Late Show with David Letterman is now taped in this theater.)

3) What was the title of the Beatles' first movie?

4) Three of the Beatles first jammed together as teenagers. Name that band? (Hint: It begins with "Q.")

5) After the Beatles broke up, Paul McCartney formed his own band. Name it.

Send your answers to Beatles Contest, Campus Life, 465 Gundersen Drive, Carol Stream, IL 60188. Include your name, address, birthday and telephone number. Entries due 9/30/96. You may also enter by fax (630-260-0114). You must be 21 or under as of 8/31/97 to play. Winners will be notified by mail. (CTI employees and their family members are not eligible.) All correct answers from this and future STRANGE WORLD contests will automatically be entered in a $500 grand-prize drawing to be held in August 1997.