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There's a guy named John at my school who acts like he likes me, but I don't like him back. He hangs around with me as much as he can, and I try to tolerate it because he doesn't have many friends. I don't try to lead him on in any way, but I'm nice to him because I don't want to hurt his feelings. I just don't want him to start thinking I like him. Should I tell him I'm not interested in him or just leave things the way they are?

Until there's a question, you really don't need to give John an answer.

What I mean is, don't cause a problem if there isn't one. I'd caution you not to assume too much about what John's thinking. He might dream that you'll become his girlfriend, but he might just crave friendship. John may not even really know what he wants from you. Whatever he's thinking, there's nothing wrong with being his friend if you can be clear that's all you're interested in.

And you can let him know where you stand without telling him to get lost. For example, if John is hanging around when you want to spend time with another friend, you should tell him that. Say something like, "I need some time to be just with Susan right now, OK?" If he's dominating your time, you should nicely let him know: "If you always sit next to me, I don't get to talk to other people, John—and neither do you." If he makes romantic moves, you need to tell him calmly and clearly, "I appreciate that you like me, John, but I just don't feel that way about you. I want us to remain friends, but I'm not interested in taking our relationship beyond that."

You might be more comfortable if John weren't in your life at all, but who says God wants you to be comfortable? Befriending the lonely is one of God's commands to us (see Luke 14:13-14). If you keep your boundaries clear, and make sure you speak up if John steps over the line, you'll have a chance to contribute to his life. He might even contribute to yours. Somewhere inside that lonely guy, there might be a terrific friend.

There's this guy I really like. He's been coming to my church for the past few months and we attend the same high school. He's two years older than I am, but we've become close friends. He's a member of the Fellowship of Christian Athletes, and he's even persuaded me to join. My parents think he's responsible, and they trust me to be with him. But even though he acts like a strong Christian on Sundays and when he's around me, he acts differently around his friends. He's pretty popular, so he goes to a lot of parties where people drink beer. He's also a flirt and a bit of a ladies' man. He gets involved in things I wouldn't do. I really like him, though, and he's never done anything to make me feel uncomfortable. I just don't know what to do if he wants to get more serious. Should I let our relationship continue to grow, or should we just stay friends?

I want to congratulate you on thinking about this now, when it's still fairly theoretical. Lots of people wait until they're deep into a relationship to ask the kind of questions you're asking. But at that point, they really can't think clearly.

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