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Every day, it seems like I'm learning to love God more and more. But I still feel very lonely. I'm not very close to my family. I feel like they barely know me, and I find them hard to talk to. I try to talk with my friends, but I feel like they don't really listen to me. Even though I try to find refuge in God, I still feel so alone. I don't know what to do.

Loneliness is a difficult thing. And it's something felt by a great number of people. In a time when people move often, spend less time with their families, and struggle to find a place to really "belong," loneliness is bound to creep in. Even with your growing faith and the knowledge that God is in your life, you still feel the need for deepened relationships with family and friends.
Your letter reminds me of a girl in my youth group named Cristy. She seemed to have everything going for her. She was smart, attractive and involved in her school and church activities. One day, after a Bible study on loneliness, she came up to me and told me she didn't feel like she had anyone she could talk to. I was completely surprised. She said, "All my friendships are superficial. Most nights I sit home by myself."
As we talked, Cristy made three really smart decisions. First, she decided to join a small group of girls at the church who got together to pray and talk once a week. She didn't wait for them to invite her; she just asked if she could join them, and they were happy to have her. Second, she decided to find times to talk with her parents and tell them about the things going on in her life. They had assumed she was content and enjoying her life; she wanted them to know that wasn't always true. And third, she began to accept the fact that loneliness is a part of many of our lives, but that we can use those times to grow closer to God.
Cristy's small prayer group became a major part of her life. Not only did the group pray together, but they found themselves talking on the phone and doing social things throughout the week as well. Eventually, Cristy even felt comfortable talking with her friends about times of intense loneliness.
Cristy mentioned that she wished she had a better relationship with her parents. One of the girls suggested that Cristy schedule "date nights" with her parents. Cristy began to look for ways to intitiate activities with her parents together and separately. She found that when she and her dad went to get a hamburger at his favorite burger joint, he would share with her more personally about his life and listen more closely when she talked about her life. She and her mom began to walk together in the mornings, and these walks became Cristy's special times to connect with her mom.
After that first conversation, Cristy and I periodically talked about her loneliness. We talked about how many people she knew tried to cover up their empty feelings of loneliness with drugs and alcohol or sexual promiscuity. I encouraged Cristy to continue seeking God's best for her life. I also recommended she take a close look at the book of Psalms. David, who wrote many of the Psalms, was sorting through all kinds of emotions, including loneliness, as he wrote. Cristy found several Psalms that gave her comfort when she was feeling lonely. I want to encourage you to do the same. They won't always make your feelings of loneliness disappear, but many of the Psalms will remind you of God's presence in your life.
I hope you'll try some of Cristy's ideas and continue to seek God's refuge. He'll not only comfort you when you're feeling alone, but he'll also lead you to deepened relationships with others.

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