1 of 4

This girl and I have been dating for about a month. Now her dad says we can't see each other because of our age difference (she's 14 and I'm 18). We both respect her father's decision and definitely won't defy the rules he has set down for us. However, we love each other and are committed to each other. We've both decided to wait for one another until she is allowed to see me. My question is, do you think it is a good idea for me to get her a promise ring? What exactly does a promise ring stand for?

That's a good question. People know what a wedding ring is, and they recognize an engagement ring, but what's a promise ring? I think it can stand for whatever you want it to stand for. The "promise" is up to you.
I admire the fact that you respect your girlfriend's dad enough to accept his decision. It must be rough on you, when you and your girlfriend love each other so much. Still, her dad's concern is easy to understand—the difference between 14 and 18 is huge. Considering the life changes ahead of you both, you would need a powerful love in order to stay together. You're sure you have that kind of love, but it's tough to tell after only a month of dating.
If you and your girlfriend can make it through this time apart, you won't lose too much—though the time won't be easy. If, on the other hand, you lose interest in each other, that will be a sign that your love is not quite as mature as you think. You'll avoid a lot of heartbreak.
I'd advise against the promise ring, because I think there's a fair chance your love won't stand the test of time. I'm saying this not because I have some insight into your personalities, but based simply on the many "cases" I've observed. Let's face it: Most young loves don't last—especially loves between people whose ages are so different. The odds are against you. If your love begins to fade away and your girlfriend is wearing a promise ring, it could be like wearing an anchor. It could make it harder for both of you to move on.
You're better off to keep it simple. Either your love will last, or it won't. A promise ring, with its vague commitment, won't help you stay the course. It could lead to unnecessary pain.

I went pretty far with my boy friend. Actually, really far. We didn't have sex or anything—and there is no way I'm going to have sex before marriage. But I like doing a lot of things with guys I date. I think it's OK to do what feels good, because I know I'll stop short of having sex. Where do you think I should draw the line?

I'm glad you asked about drawing the line. It's something you're going to have to do as soon as possible if you really want to save yourself for your future husband. It's not enough to have made up your mind against sex outside marriage. When you push the limits physically, several things are bound to happen.
First, what feels good at first soon stops feeling good enough. Remember the first time you held a boy's hand? It probably felt like nuclear fusion. But pretty soon it just felt sweaty. Same thing with brief kisses: At first they're explosive, but soon they're just ordinary. That goes for anything short of intercourse. Your body will push you on by slowly dulling the feeling you get from whatever you're already involved in. You have to go farther and farther (and longer and longer) to get that good feeling.
Then, it gets tough to stop. As you become more and more intimate, touching more and more, you'll have a stronger desire to go all the way. It's a powerful drive, and you can find yourself just barely escaping.
Eventually, you stop wanting to stop. You still have a choice, but after pushing the limits so far, you stop wanting to choose. You want to give in. At that point, the fight is almost over.
But why go through all this? I think people should make up their minds. Either sex is something you do with anybody who is "special"—and that's what a lot of people today believe—or it's best kept within the total commitment of marriage. If you intend to wait until you're married, then why fool around now? You'd be much better off limiting yourself to brief kisses and hugs.

next page... |  1 of 4

				Get a Free Two Year Subscription to Campus Life's Christian College Guide! Name Street Address City/State/Zip E-mail Address No credit card required. Please allow 4-6 weeks for delivery. Offer valid in U.S. only.