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22 New Year's Resolutions
by Chris Lutes


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1. I will wear swim fins to the mall and act like everything's perfectly normal.

2. I will attempt to play an accordion while standing on one foot.

3. I will hand out large quantities of bubble gum to several of my friends and challenge them to a bubble-blowing contest.

4. I will spin in circles until I fall down.

5. I will jump rope with my younger sibs (or with a little kid from my neighborhood).

6. I will spend an afternoon in the children's department of my local library reading books I loved as a kid.

7. I will watch a cartoon show that used to be my absolute favorite.

8. I will show up at a party with a gallon of ice cream, whipped cream, chocolate syrup and sprinkles, and announce, "Sundaes for everybody!"

9. I will sing in the shower.

10. I will quack like a duck at least three different times during a day of my choice.

11. I will spend one Saturday morning playing at my old elementary school playground.

12. I will look in a mirror and make goofy faces until my face hurts from laughing at myself.

13. I will buy a 1,000-piece puzzle, remove one piece and give the puzzle to someone who absolutely loves puzzles (and hates missing pieces). I will later 'fess up—and give them the missing piece.

14. I will spend an afternoon with a friend making snow angels (or sand angels).

15. I will eat pizza with anchovies on it. (And I will follow that up with a serving of Tums.)

16. I will carry an opened umbrella on a very sunny day.

17. I will go to McDonald's with my friends and talk everybody into ordering Happy Meals.

18. I will wear socks that don't match.

19. I will do somersaults down the biggest hill I can find.

20. I will belt out opera tunes between classes, and when someone asks me what I'm doing, I'll say: "Rehearsing, what does it sound like I'm doing?"

21. I will purchase 10 decks of cards for the sole purpose of making the world's largest card castle.

22. I will smile for no real good reason at all—except that it just makes me feel good.

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