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Q I am 17 years old and a senior in high school. I have never dated or had a boyfriend, and up until recently I've been thankful for that. But now I really want to find a meaningful, God-centered relationship. I think I'm spiritually and emotionally ready. But I wonder if anyone will ever want me. What do I do? Why do I feel this way?

A. Your last question is easy to answer. You feel this way because you're normal. God made us so that male and female would need each other and would feel this need strongly. Most people, by the time they reach 17, are very aware of this, and most people suffer some doubt about whether their longings will ever be fulfilled. That's especially true for you, not having had a boyfriend yet. But many people who've had lots of dates experience the same doubts. You want something you don't have, and it's very hard to know where it will come from.

Now for the harder question. What do you do? In one sense you don't do anything. You are not in charge of finding the person who will fill your longings. That's God's department. After all, you get to marry just one person out of the roughly 3 billion members of the opposite sex. Only God can sort through those kinds of odds.

You are in charge of something, though: yourself. God wants you to be a caring person, someone who doesn't spend all her time feeling sorry for herself, someone who has an active, useful life, someone who takes care of her body and her mind, someone who prays and draws closer to God's Spirit. I could add to the list, but I'm sure you get the idea. Such a person will be attractive to others—and in particular, attractive to the person who can meet her needs.

Timing is hard to figure. I've never been able to put my finger on the reason some girls attract guys by the handfuls, and others (who are just as pretty, just as wonderful) don't. It doesn't make sense. Nevertheless, in the long run I've seen that it works out. Sooner or later the guys get smart, and they find the girls they never noticed before.

You really can't control the timing. You can only control yourself. Make the most of your life right now. Try not to think too much about what's not happening, and focus on what is. And ask God for patience. Someday you'll look back and feel glad that he guided your life as he did.

Due to the volume of mail, Tim cannot answer every letter. Questions you would like to have considered for this column should be sent to: "Love, Sex & Real Life," Campus Life, 465 Gundersen Drive, Carol Stream, IL 60188. You can also reach "Love, Sex & Real Life" via fax (630-260-0114) or e-mail (CLmag@campuslife.net).

Along with his work as an advice columnist for Campus Life, Tim has also recently completed a historical novel titled Sisters (Thomas Nelson Publishers), the second novel in his River of Freedom series. Find out more about the novelist and his novel at www.RiverofFreedom.com.

Copyright © 2001 by the author or Christianity Today International/Campus Life magazine.
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