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I've been a Christian since I was little, but I haven't always trusted God completely.

Instead of putting my security in God, I've often put it in something else. Like in middle school, when I would do almost anything to fit in with my friends instead of just being myself.

I didn't want to be different. I didn't want people to say, "She's no fun," or, "She's a prude." So I just kind of faded into the background a little bit.

By the time I was in high school, I was putting my security in academics, especially science, where I did especially well. I planned to go to medical school. I'd wanted to be a doctor since I was 5, and I had it all planned out.

But God had another idea.

Out of Eden wasn't any big deal back then. Our careers hadn't really gotten started, and I still planned on going to college to pursue my dream.

But right as I started school, we were signed to go on a 65-city tour with dc Talk. I told my mom, "I don't want to do it! I don't want to be a singer; I want to be a doctor!"

I was devastated, because I had to leave college. And when we started the tour, I hated it. I did not want to be in Out of Eden.

It was a long time before I got over my disappointment because I really wanted to do my own thing. I think that's where I missed the mark: I wanted to do my own thing. I hadn't really bothered to ask God about his thing.

It took a couple of years to really relinquish my plans and say, "OK, God, I'm really going to do this Out of Eden thing. I'm going to be who you've called me to be. I'm going to do what you want."

That's something I have to decide to do every day. It's not like I just said one day, "OK, God, my security's totally in you now." I have to wake up every morning and literally decide to trust him, day by day, minute by minute.

I still have insecurities. I still worry about what others think about me. I still want to do my own thing. But I've found the best way to fight those things is with the Word of God.

The Bible says, over and over again, that God will take care of me. If I don't trust him on that, I'm really calling him a liar. So I choose to trust him, to put my security in him every single day.

I'd be crazy not to.

Lisa, who ran track and cross country in high school, loves shopping, cooking, and watching football and basketball on TV.

Copyright © 2003 by the author or Christianity Today International/Campus Life magazine.
Click here for reprint information on Campus Life.

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