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Q. For a while now, I've been wondering if I'm bisexual. I feel sexually attracted to both girls and guys. I was wondering: Is it OK to be bisexual? My pastor says it's not OK to be gay or lesbian because you can't have kids and God didn't intend for us to be that way. But if I'm bisexual, I can still marry a man and have kids with him, right? Doesn't that make it OK?

A. Many people today are fascinated about the whole issue of sexual identity, spending a lot of time wondering if they're heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual. I don't think that's a healthy fascination, and I wouldn't recommend labeling yourself or anyone else too quickly. Sexual feelings often float freely, especially when you are young. Lots of people feel attracted to both sexes, at least for a short period of their lives. But feelings are not destiny. Having bisexual feelings does not make you a bisexual. It just makes you a person who, right now, is attracted to both sexes, and has to figure out how to deal with that.

The Bible doesn't condemn people for their sexual attractions. What's wrong, the Bible says, is "exchanging natural relations for unnatural ones" (Romans 1:26, NIV). God designed men and women to marry each other and have children together. It's how God wanted people to express their sexuality.

If you put the stress on behavior, not attraction, you won't have any trouble seeing what God wants for you. A woman who's attracted to both sexes might find it difficult to marry and be faithful to the man she married. But difficult is not the same as impossible. We are all in control of our behavior. If God calls you to marry, you can choose to be faithful.

For those who feel only homosexual attraction, following God's way is more difficult. But there is hope. I know several homosexually oriented people whom God enabled, through a gradual and patient process of discipleship, to develop a healthy attraction to the opposite sex and relationships that led to marriage. Because of how I've seen God work in their lives, I would never say that homosexuals cannot hope to change or to have loving, healthy marriages to people of the opposite sex. However, it can be very difficult.

Your feelings aren't right or wrong. They just are. You can't help them, any more than you can help liking or disliking certain cars, clothes or movies. What you do with those feelings is something different. When it comes to acting on our feelings, right and wrong apply.

God offers us wonderful and fulfilling lives, but not necessarily easy lives. For this reason, it's important to have wise, caring people involved to counsel you and pray for you. I'd encourage you to seek out a Christian counselor who can help you sort out both your feelings and your behavior.

Due to the volume of mail, Tim cannot answer every letter.

Copyright © 2005 by the author or Christianity Today International/Campus Life magazine.
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