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Q. My girlfriend and I are both Christians, and we were very happy together. A couple of months ago, she started going to a different youth group. After that, she told me that she didn't want to go out with me anymore. The only reason she gave was that she likes some of the guys at her youth group. I feel like God took my girlfriend away from me, and I'm angry about it—angry at him, and even a little angry at my girlfriend. I know I have to get over this anger, but I don't know where to start.

A. I think your anger is natural. You've been hurt, and when people get hurt they sometimes also feel angry. You're right to want to get over it, though.

God promises lots of wonderful benefits, but a girlfriend is not one of them. In fact, he knows that sometimes girlfriends get in the way of other blessings. This doesn't mean God took your girlfriend from you, as you say. I can't say whether this was God's will or not, but I know two things: 1) God is mourning with you and 2) God might not cause situations, but can use any situation if we let him. As for your anger at your girlfriend, it's important to remember that dating relationships simply end sometimes. Dealing with the end of relationships is just a part of dating. Don't allow your pain at being rejected to become unhealthy anger.

How you respond to this painful loss in your life can make a real difference in whether or not you grow as a result of your pain and anger, or whether you stay stuck in a painful, angry place. You can harbor bitterness and resentment, or you can make the best of it and see what God can do with this situation.

My advice? Give yourself time to get over your anger, and stick close to God while you're waiting for your feelings to change. One way to do this is by reading the Psalms. If you read something that applies to what you're feeling, why not read it out loud as a prayer to God? As you do this, you'll learn that it's perfectly all right to express your feelings to him. Most of the psalms really do express very deep, honest feelings. Whether the feelings are anger, despair or desperation, the psalm writer lets God inside his life, where he can correct bad attitudes and show him the bigger picture. That's what it takes to get over anger.

Due to the volume of mail, Tim cannot answer every letter.

Copyright © 2005 by the author or Christianity Today International/Campus Life magazine.
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