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Q. One of my Christian friends believes people shouldn't date until they're ready to get married. She thinks you should only date "the right one." Personally, I like dating. Is it OK to date just for fun?

A. Before I give you my opinion, I encourage you to talk about this issue with your parents. Their feelings should play a large role in the decisions you make about dating.

In my opinion, it's OK to date for fun. Along with being fun, I think dating can be very valuable. It gives you real–life experience with the opposite sex and opportunities to build healthy relationships. Hopefully, when you are ready to marry, your dating experiences will have given you the skills to develop a marriage based on love, trust and mutual respect.

Another school of thought, which your friend seems to be following, says dating should only happen as part of courtship. Courtship is dating with the intention of marriage. Two people "court" one another until they feel they know each other well enough to marry. This means teenagers don't date at all, because they're too young to seriously consider marriage.

I respect your friend's approach, but I feel a little differently. I think finding the "right one" usually comes through a lot of trial and error. If a couple can treat each other with real respect, can date in ways that get them talking to each other (not just going to movies and making out), and keep their sexual desires under control, then I think they are doing just what it takes to find the "right one."

Dating can be a good way for you to find out what kind of person will be the "right one." It's also an important way for you to learn how to become the "right one" for somebody else.

Due to the volume of mail, Tim cannot answer every letter.

Copyright © 2005 by the author or Christianity Today/Campus Life magazine.
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