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BULLIED: When Sarah Kelly was in seventh grade, she transferred to a new school where a tight group of popular girls ruthlessly picked on the new girl.

"Almost every day I'd find pictures on my locker making fun of my big red hair," Sarah says. "They said my hair looked like a rat's nest and drew pictures of it with rats coming out. They called me so many names. I was not ugly but I began to think I was. I couldn't look in the mirror without hating not only what was on the outside but also what was on the inside."

DESPERATE FOR ACCEPTANCE: Despite the way these girls treated her, Sarah wanted nothing more than for them to like her. One afternoon after school, she called one of them.

"I don't know why I called her," Sarah says. "I guess I was trying one last chance to make friends. I was so desperate. I don't remember exactly what this girl said, but I hung up in shambles."

Needing to talk to someone, Sarah called the boy she was dating. After she talked about how much she hated herself, he replied, "If you are so unhappy, why don't you try to kill yourself?"

FINDING SOMETHING MORE: When she hung up, that's exactly what Sarah did. Her parents found her unconscious on the floor. They rushed her to the hospital and Sarah's life was saved. The next day, a hospital counselor asked Sarah to think about how she viewed herself. The more Sarah thought, the more she realized she needed God's help. She knelt beside her bed and prayed, "God, I really, really need you. I need you more than ever before."

After that, Sarah began talking very honestly with God. She wrote songs to get her emotions out and express her pain. She discovered that the Psalms often express a lot of pain and sorrow. And her youth pastor helped her find Bible verses that express what God thought about her.

"I went through a process of learning to like myself and then I started to make some real friends who really cared for me," she says. She broke up with that jerk boyfriend, didn't date for a couple of years, and just focused on getting to know God, liking herself, and developing real friendships.

"I wish I would have talked to someone," Sarah says about her suicidal thoughts. "I wish someone would have told me it's not a solution and that it is the most selfish thing you could do. I thought I'd help others by leaving. But I hurt my mom so bad. I learned to make it through painful times not just for myself but also for those who love me. My life was so hopeless. Now, I have hope."

Copyright © 2006 by the author or Christianity Today International/Ignite Your Faith magazine.
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