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Q. I'm 16 and I've been dating a great Christian guy for several months. I admire him a lot. He's very moral and wants to keep God as the focus of our relationship. The problem is that our parents don't know we're dating. Neither of us is allowed to date. I think that if we talk to our parents, they'll just make us break up. I feel guilty for lying. I'm not sure what I should do.

A. I know this isn't what you want to hear, but you need to break up. Today.

I don't doubt that you and your boyfriend have good intentions, but lying to your parents and breaking their rules is a really bad idea. If you really want God to be the focus of your relationship, you can't ignore what he says about honoring your parents (Exodus 20:12) and being truthful (Ephesians 4:25).

Your parents probably have good reasons for not wanting you to date yet. If you don't know what they are, then it's time to ask them. If you would like those rules to change, then have a calm, respectful conversation with your parents where you work together to develop new rules.

But that kind of discussion is only going to work if your parents know they can trust you. If you want them to see you as someone who is responsible enough to date, then you need to be responsible enough not to date when it goes against their rules.

So break up with your boyfriend and talk to your parents. Tell them that you've been dating this guy, but that you broke up because you knew they didn't want you to date. They might be mad, but they'll also see that you made a responsible decision. This will restore their trust in you. Then abide by their rules.

Because you're being honest with them, they might eventually allow you to date this great guy. But even if they don't, you'll be following God's command to respect them and live by their rules. That's truly keeping God as the focus of your life.

Carla is an editor of the Teen Devotional Bible (Zondervan).

Copyright © 2006 by the author or Christianity Today/Ignite Your Faith magazine.
Click here for reprint information on Ignite Your Faith.

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