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Q. I was sexually abused a few years ago. I'm out of that situation now and in no danger. But the fears, nightmares and shame won't really go away. I know talking to someone might help release the weight of carrying this alone, but honestly, I don't want anyone close to me to know what happened. How can I ever talk about something like this?

A. My heart goes out to you. I am deeply sorry for your pain. About one out of three young women and one out of six young men share your experience of being sexually abused. I want you to know four important truths:

1. The abuse is not your fault. It is always the fault of the abuser.
2. God cares. Sometimes this is hard to comprehend in our fallen world, but God cares deeply for those in pain.
3. The Bible says that Jesus wept at the death of a friend (John 11). If Jesus weeps at the death of a friend, I am sure he sheds tears when his children have been wronged in this way.
4. There is hope. Many, many people who've been sexually abused have found healing by seeking help. So, don't suffer in silence. Tell your story to someone trained to help.

This last truth is much easier said than done. Most victims of abuse don't want to talk about what happened, especially if the perpetrator is someone they know and once trusted. And of course, it's painful to relive the situation by talking about it. This is not something anybody would want to discuss—especially with those they know. This is why I recommend seeing a professional and trusted counselor. That is the very best way to work through those fears, nightmares and shame.

To get that help, though, you need to talk to your parents, a school social worker or your pastor. Yes, that means revealing your pain to at least one person who knows you, but it is important so they can direct you to the help you need. And maybe you won't need to tell them anything more than "I have something I am really struggling with, but it's really difficult for me to talk about it. I would like to see a counselor for help." Once you start seeing a professional, let the counselor take you through the steps to healing. He or she will also help you decide who else in your life has to know (if anyone) and who doesn't.

If you absolutely feel you cannot tell anyone you know about the abuse, I must encourage you to at least call a confidential help hotline, like National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE. You can read about this service online at www.rainn.org.

I cannot say how important it is for you to seek help. If you don't, this experience will become baggage you carry into all significant relationships—people you may date, a future marriage, children you may one day have, and your relationship with God. Seeking help takes courage—courage you've shown just by sending this e-mail. You were unfairly given a heavy weight to carry. But you don't have to carry it alone. That's why professional counselors exist. Please seek help.

Ignite says: To get recommendations of Christian counselors in your area, call 1-800-New Life.

Jim is an author, longtime youth worker and founder of HomeWord, a group seeking to honor God through strong families.

Copyright © 2008 by the author or Christianity Today International/Ignite Your Faith magazine.
Click here for reprint information on Ignite Your Faith.

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