Why Am I Dateless?
Q: I am 19, and I've never had a date. I don't know why. I get along well with guys. I have lots of friends, love sports, love to laugh and have fun. I'm a good listener and an all-around fun person. My friends can't wait for me to have my first boyfriend. Neither can I. Do you think God is holding back a man for me until I do something? What do I have to do? I see all my friends with boyfriend after boyfriend. I've become very jealous of those in relationships.
A: What you're feeling is natural, but I have to say it's off the mark. A boyfriend will not make you completely happy. I've seen way too many relationships to think that!
Another way your thinking is off target is your sense that God must be holding out on you. If God is willing to freely give his own Son to you, do you think he'd hold out on boyfriends? I'm not trying to convince you not to want a boyfriend. That would be pointless. God has designed us so that as we mature we begin to long for deep, caring and sexual relations with a member of the opposite sex. The fundamental longing is to be expressed in marriage. The way it translates into life at your age is a longing for boyfriends. It's hard to long for something your friends have and you don't. Even so, I want to urge you to try to keep your thoughts straight. The less you can focus your life on the magic of boyfriends, the better off you'll be.
A boyfriend will likely come along in time. The timing can be hard to explain. Some girls attract them like magnets, others don't. And I'm not exactly sure why. But trust me, in the long run timing and "magnetism" are no big deal.
Much more significant is whether, when a boyfriend comes along, you are able to form the kind of relationship that is deep and meaningful, that someday leads you to marry with a strong sense of commitment and purity. But you don't get ready for that by pining over the boys who don't call. You get ready for such relationships by developing into the right kind of woman—spiritually, socially, physically and mentally.
As much as you can, forget about boyfriends. Concentrate more on what is happening in your life right now. Live it as fully as you can, and try to let the boyfriends take care of themselves.
Feeling Bad for Dumping Him
Q: My old boyfriend seemed really sweet at first. But after we started going out, I saw another side of him. He cussed and acted the way I wouldn't want my boyfriend to act. I broke up with him after about three months. Since then, he's told my friends he still likes me. Also, he has been in the hospital because of depression. I think he may have tried to commit suicide. I can't help but think I had something to do with this. I feel guilty for breaking up with him. What can I do? Please help me!
A: I'm afraid you can't do much. A dating relationship is not a good place for "fixing" another person. Your ex-boyfriend needs professional counseling and medical attention. He probably needs friends, too. But you shouldn't feel responsible for filling that role, especially when he's made it known he wants more than friendship. Trust your ex to God. Pray for him, but stay away from him.