When Do We Talk About Sex?
Q. I'm committed to saving myself for marriage. My question: When is it appropriate to tell this to someone you're dating? I know it's important to be clear about your standards and values, but it just seems weird to blurt out on your first or second date: "I'm not planning on sleeping with you unless we're married!"
A. I agree with you. That would be weird. To tell the truth, though, discussing your standards and values can seem weird at any time. It's not necessarily easy, but it needs to be done.
You can reduce the weirdness considerably by dating people who are serious about their Christian faith. Then you have a good chance of sharing the same values. That makes it easier.
You don't need to have this discussion on your first or second date, but I think you need to have it before you get physically involved. If and when you start kissing, showing physical affection and feeling physical attraction, it's time to talk. Both of you should share your values and agree on some ground rules on what you will and will not do together. This conversation should take place in a public place, like a park or a coffee house, where you won't get interrupted and where you won't be touching each other.
Your discussion will help you to find out if the two of you have different values. If you find that you're not on the same page about waiting for sex or setting limits on your physical relationship, you'd be better off not dating. No relationship can be healthy and happy when two people can't agree on such basic issues.
Due to the volume of mail, Tim cannot answer every letter.
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