Love, Sex, and Real Life
Is it OK to Like Two Guys?
Q A guy I've liked for a long time finally asked me out, and I was really jazzed about it. We'd been dating a few weeks when I met another really cute guy who likes me. Now I like two guys at the same time. I feel really bad about this. Can you give me some advice?/
A Do you really have to choose right now? When you start thinking about marriage, you'll want to build a relationship that stresses faithfulness and commitment. But right now, you are dating casually, so you don't need to worry about those things yet. Unless you're positive one of these guys is the man you want to marry someday, there's no reason for you to spend time with one and not the other.
I've noticed that a lot of teenagers overemphasize going out with just one person at a time, where they're not allowed to date, or even talk to, another member of the opposite sex. To do so would be "cheating" on their boyfriend or girlfriend. What's ironic is that these intensely "monogamous" relationships rarely last long.
So instead of trying to pick one guy, focus on getting to know both of them. Let them know you're not interested in an exclusive relationship, but that you'd like to spend time with each of them, just developing a friendship.
As you learn more about each guy, you might discover you're more interested in one of them. And if you decide you want to get a little more serious with that guy, you may gain a new friend in the other.
I don't recommend you get into a physical relationship with either guy. Holding hands and hugging is alright, but kissing will just confuse things.
To put it in perspective, you have a problem that a lot of people would love to have. Two boys that you like, like you. Whomever you choose, you can hardly lose. You'll be learning and growing by relating to people you care about. Take your time and enjoy getting to know these guys.
Why Don't Boys Like Me?
Q I'm 14 and I've never had a boyfriend. I feel so weird! Everywhere I look, I see couples. But no boy has ever liked me. I've tried talking to my mom about it and she said it's because I'm homeschooled and I'm not around many boys. But when I am around boys, I'm very shy and they don't even notice me. All my friends have or have had boyfriends. I feel like a misfit. I've tried praying but nothing has happened. Sometimes I get so depressed. What's wrong with me?
A What's hard to see at 14 is that romance is not a race. Some girls jump on the dating carousel when they're about 9—much too young for dating. Others start when they're 13 or 14. And still others haven't dated yet at 17 or 18. They might not date until they're in college, or even later.
If a girl chooses not to date, she's probably content to wait till the timing feels right before she starts. But for girls like you, who really want to date and just don't seem to get asked out, waiting for a boyfriend can cause a lot of heartache. In the long run, though, getting a boyfriend earlier in life can be just as painful as waiting. Girls who dated at an early age have probably experienced heartache too, as they've gone through bad relationships and painful breakups. In some way or another, the heartache of romance hits everyone.