I Can't Stop Thinking about Him
About three years ago, I broke up with a guy I really loved. We've remained friends and I spend a lot of time with him and his parents. I've dated other people, but he hasn't. The problem is, I can't stop thinking about him. I'm not sure how he feels about me, but he does lots of special things for me, like buying me jewelry. I'm so confused. I know he's the one for me, but I'm afraid to make a move if he doesn't feel the same way. I love him so much, and I don't want to mess this up.
The only way you could mess this up is to do nothing. It's time to find out what the guy is thinking.
There are several ways to do that. You can call him. You can write him. You can get a mutual friend to tell him how you feel. The truth is, it doesn't matter how you do it, or what words you use. It's a simple message: "I really care about you. How do you feel about me?"
It's not traditional for a girl to ask that question, but considering your history with this guy, I think you can afford to be honest with him. If you're not comfortable telling him how you feel, you can at least show him by paying extra attention to him, spending more time with him, or sending him thoughtful notes to brighten his day. To be honest, some guys can be a little dense when it comes to picking up a girl's signals, so don't be surprised if this more subtle approach goes right over his head.
Three years is long enough to wonder. Since your feelings have remained strong all this time, you really need to find out what's going on. Go ahead and tell him how you feel. No matter what his reply, at least you can face reality and move on with your life.
How Do I Figure Out My Sexual Limits?
I've always planned on saving sex for marriage. I thought it was a black-and-white issue, but now it seems like it's getting more gray. I've heard people say you should do whatever seems right to you, whatever you're comfortable with. But I don't know what I'm comfortable with. There are things I think I enjoy, but I still feel guilty about them. How do I know what's best for me?
You're right. "How far is too far" is not a black-and-white issue, but it is a lot less gray than you might think. Going by what's "comfortable," or what "seems right" doesn't help you figure out how far you should go. But the Bible does give you the kind of help you need. It doesn't spell out in detail what's right or wrong, but it tells us a lot about godly sexuality.
The Bible tells us we're meant to live with peace, patience, and self-control (Galatians 5:22). That applies to the physical part of a dating relationship, too. You need to determine if the things you do with your dates are part of a peaceful life (hint: feelings of guilt are quite different from feelings of peace). Do they help you develop patience? Could you date for several months, a year, two years, without compromising your desire to remain a virgin? Physical involvement tends to move forward. The more physically intimate you become, the more sexual excitement builds up. And it's tough to stop once you've started. You need to set limits you can sustain for the long haul. And that takes self-control.