Love, Sex, and Real Life
I Want to Break Up!
My boyfriend and I have been going out for about two months, but it's just not working. He can be so romantic and normal one minute and so weird the next. He is constantly embarrassing me. I have tried talking to him, but it doesn't work. I really want to break up with him. How can I do it nicely so we can still be friends?
A Do it quickly, and do it face to face. There's no way to make it fun, and because of that, a lot of people put it off. They want to avoid hurting the other person, but delaying a break-up only makes it worse.
This guy deserves an honest, direct explanation. Tell him you like him, but you can't see romance for the two of you. Don't criticize him or tell him it's his fault you're breaking up with him. Treat him with care and respect. He'll probably be hurt, especially if he really likes you, so don't expect him to want to be your friend right away. Give him time to get over it. Hopefully, he'll someday be able to respect you and like you as a friend. He may even thank you for being honest with him and not stringing him along.
He's Pressuring me for Sex
I'm 17 years old, and I'm going out with a 19-year-old guy. I'm a virgin but he's not. He told me he wouldn't pressure me into having sex, but he does. He told me he loves me and respects me and my feelings. But he makes me feel guilty for not having sex. We've talked about it and even though he knows I don't want to, he still asks. I really care for this guy and I think we have a future together. But how do I get through to him that I don't want to have sex?
You can't get through to him, because he's not interested in what you want. I predict that if you stay together, he'll wear you down and you'll end up having sex. That's what he's counting on. By staying with him, you're making a statement: I can't give you up, even when you show you don't care about my convictions.
I'm sorry to sound so harsh. I just want you to make a decision before it's too late. My advice would be to dump the guy today. If you think that's too tough, tell him that if he brings up sex again, you're through with him. Tell him you've made your feelings about sex very clear, and you expect him to show you more respect. Maybe he'll get the message and back off. If he doesn't, it's time for you to break up with him. Even though he's telling you he loves you, his actions are making it clear that what he really wants is not a relationship, but sex.
It's never easy to end a relationship, but you can take comfort in knowing you still have your values, your convictions, and your virginity.