Should I Believe the Rumor?

There's a guy I like and I think he likes me, too. I want to date him, but a friend told me he's into pot.
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Q There's a guy I like and I think he likes me, too. I want to date him, but a friend told me he's into pot. I don't want to confront him, because we're still getting to know each other. How do I find out if this guy really is smoking pot?

A It's always hard to know when a person is giving you information because they care about you or because they just like to gossip. So talk to your friend a little more. How does she know this guy's into pot? Did she see him smoking?

Did she hear about it from someone else? You need to ask a few questions, and work from there.

You also need to be open to what she has to say. When you like someone, it's easy to ignore some of the warning signs of a potentially bad relationship. And drug use is certainly a major warning sign. Make sure you're willing to accept the truth, whatever it may be.

So how do you get to the truth? After you get more information from your friend, ask the guy directly. That's not confrontation. It's just a question. If he asks why you want to know, you can just say, "Because I really like you. But I don't want to date anybody who smokes pot."

Who knows? If you discover he really is smoking pot, your friendship might be the influence he needs to quit. But I would also advise you to be aware of the bigger issue here. If this guy's a Christian, and using drugs, I'd say his problems are bigger than you can handle. If he's not a Christian, I'd advise against dating him, regardless of whether or not he smokes pot.

That said, I'd encourage you to learn the truth about this guy. And you stand a much better chance of finding out the truth by talking to him than by talking to other people about him. That's a good way to deal with lots of reports you "hear" about other people.s

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