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Alien Conspiracy …
News of the weird from Ignite Your Faith's Bizarre Tabloid News.
by Ethan Landes and Todd Hertz


ADVERTISEMENT

In the old days people searched their newspaper's classifieds for great buys or new jobs. The internet, however, came along and sites like Craigslist allowed users to view classifieds ads around the world. But now, it's gotten even better. Job hunters or car shoppers can view classified ads from even farther away.

In an eBay auction, the Craigslist CEO won the right to beam more than 2 million classified ads into deep space (one light year away). So, if you need to sell your bike or car, you may easily find a little green man who's interested. But make sure that Martian pays the shipping charges.

Secret Agent Squirrel

Breaking News: The squirrels in your backyard are spying on your family.

Sound nuts? Well, Iran doesn't think so. In fact, the country recently apprehended 14 squirrels on charges of espionage. According to government sources, the fuzzy-tailed rodents were wearing electronic eavesdropping devices to record Iranian secrets. One Iranian said, "I bet they were British squirrels, they are the most cunning."

So next time you see a squirrel, make sure you keep your lips locked—especially if the squirrel has a British accent.

Giant Ketchup Helps Kids

Few things are more aggravating than getting a large serving of fries at a restaurant and having to use those tiny ketchup packets. Each packet only has enough ketchup for like three fries. So, again and again, you have to tear the corners off those slippery little bags and pour out a teaspoon of ketchup.

Well, the town of Collinsville, Illinois, has the right idea. They filled an 8-foot-tall, 4-foot-wide plastic pouch with 1,500 pounds of Heinz ketchup in a bid to create the world's largest ketchup packet. But they didn't do it just to have enough condiment for their fries; they did it for a greater cause. Heinz donated bottles of ketchup, and residents paid one dollar apiece to squirt those bottles into the giant ketchup packet. Proceeds went to a local Christian school damaged by fire.

Eventually, town leaders sent the packet to the Heinz headquarters in Pittsburgh. Hopefully, the company will get the idea and start offering 8-foot packets in restaurants. After all, we at IYF think super-sized fries demand super-sized ketchup.

Government Spray-Paints Mountain

In many places, the idea of becoming "more green" means recycling, reducing pollution, and limiting energy use. But in one area of China, becoming more green means using paint.

Decades of mining left a mountain in southwestern China barren, brown and rocky. That is until the Chinese government decided to do something about it. Government workers spray-painted the mountain's bare rock with green paint. There's no official explanation for why they painted the mountain. Some speculate it was to improve the view from a government office. Unfortunately, an inside source told IYF that the green mountain does not actually go with the drapes in the office. Therefore, there are now talks of changing the mountain to a nice shade of burgundy.




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