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Not Good Enough: New artist Lanae Hale was a teenager plagued with insecurities. But you probably would have never guessed. She was very involved in school, grew up in the church, sang on the worship team, and was a student-leader in her youth group. "But inside, I never thought I was good enough or pretty enough," she said. "I heard about God's love a lot but didn't think he loved me. I believed it about everyone else, but not for myself."

When a serious romantic relationship ended before her senior year of high school, Lanae felt her self-doubt was confirmed. "I decided I wasn't worth anything," she said.

A Growing Addiction: After the breakup, she couldn't control her emotions. In a moment of desperation, she used a metal angel figurine, a gift from her grandmother, to dig deep into her skin. "Because cutting and hurting is an addiction, this habit just kept growing," she said. "Whenever I became upset or emotional, I would dig or cut. Somehow, I thought I was fixing my own problems, but it only made me more broken. I was only walking farther from God."

True Worth:After more than two years of cutting, Lanae "suddenly realized that nothing I was doing—cutting, alcohol, sleeping pills—could ever give me the peace that I knew God could bring. I couldn't fix my hurt. I could temporarily numb it, but it would always come back full-force and leave me feeling more empty and alone. For the first time, I thought, Why am I running away from what I know is true?

"Nothing really changed at first, but as her family began to reach out to her, and as she discovered Scripture like Psalms 139 and 149, her life slowly began to change.

"I begged Jesus to heal me, but like any addiction, it was not a quick, easy fix; it was a process," Lanae said. "When I re-committed to God, asked him to heal me, and gave the control back to him, he began to pour this love into me I'd never known. This was the love I'd always heard about, but now I began to see that it did apply to me. I saw who I was in him. I felt Christ's love and forgiveness shine for me in a real way."

Ignite says: If you struggle with self-injury, please tell an adult. You can also find help though:
S.A.F.E. Alternatives:
1-800-DON'T-CUT and selfinjury.com
Dawson McAllister Hopeline:
1-800-394-HOPE or thehopeline.com

Copyright © 2009 by the author or Christianity Today International/Ignite Your Faith magazine.
Click here for reprint information on Ignite Your Faith.

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