Church Leadership
Is Your Church A Family? 5 Ways To Help It Be A Healthy One
A healthy family doesn’t put up walls to keep newcomers out. They welcome new members with open arms and big parties.

So much of what's taught about church methods and structures comes from a corporate mindset.

That's to be expected when most church leadership writers are coming from a large- and megachurch background.

But smaller churches don't operate that way. And they shouldn't. Because small churches are more like families than corporations. And their pastors are more like parents or older siblings than CEOs.

But operating a small church like a family doesn't mean that we shouldn’t do it well.

Here are a few principles I've picked up about how healthy families (and therefore, healthy churches) do and don't operate.

1. Healthy families teach by example more than by lecture

But most of our churches aren’t set up this way – including the small, family-style ones.

Instead of living our lives with people, we put almost all the weight for learning, growing and maturing in Christ on the Sunday morning sermon.

Certainly that time of preaching and teaching the Word is important. But it’s not meant to carry all the responsibility for building a healthy church – no matter how good the preaching is.

No family operates like this – with all the leading and teaching happening in a once-a-week, one hour lecture. And Jesus didn’t teach that way either.

One of the strengths of the smaller, family-style church is the ability for the pastor and congregation to actually know each other. A healthy small church takes advantage of that.

2. Healthy families welcome new members with joyous celebrations

When they say “we’re like a family here,” what too many churches mean is they’re small, they’re insulated and they plan to stay that way.

A healthy family doesn’t put up walls to keep newcomers out. A healthy family welcomes new members.

But a healthy family doesn’t put up walls to keep newcomers out. A healthy family welcomes new members. Through births, adoptions, marriage and more.

In fact, that’s when families throw their biggest parties – to welcome newcomers into the family with weddings, birthdays, anniversaries and other parties.

Healthy family-style churches do the same. They don’t keep others out, they throw open their doors to welcome everyone in.

3. Healthy families don't let dysfunctional members call the shots

Every family has members we love, even though they’re not easy to live with. In unhealthy families, those members seem to control everything – casting a cloud over every family event.

A healthy family draws boundaries which allow us to love and welcome the dysfunctional members without letting them ruin things.

In a healthy family-style church, dysfunctional members are loved and appreciated, but control freaks don’t get their way, gossip is not tolerated and bullies don’t win.

4. Healthy families use discipline sparingly and constructively

Unhealthy families “smack first, ask questions later.” Unhealthy churches do the same.

Yes, healthy families use discipline. Bad behavior needs to be addressed. But a healthy family uses negative discipline only after all positive options have been depleted.

A pastor who always talks about sin and its consequences is just as unbalanced as one who never talks about sin and its consequences.

According to 1 Timothy 1:9, “…the law is made not for the righteous but for lawbreakers and rebels…” The same is true for churches and families.

If a church is healthy, it will lead with love and grace, not law and punishment.

If a church is healthy, it will lead with love and grace, not law and punishment.

5. Healthy families come together when they face challenges

Nothing will expose the health or weaknesses of a family or a church like facing adversity.

No matter how much they may disagree with each other, when a healthy family faces a common enemy, they unite to defeat it and protect its members. But an unhealthy family will turn on each other.

Maybe the best way to tell if a church is healthy or unhealthy is to see how they behave when faced with a trial. How does the church fare when they lose a pastor? When there’s an economic downturn? When the church building is destroyed in a fire?

Healthy churches band together and get stronger. Unhealthy ones turn on each other and fall apart.

So how do we test this theory in good times? Find a common enemy and go on the offense.

Tackle the homeless problem in your town. Welcome people into your church family who don’t look, act or sound like you. Give the growing youth group the main sanctuary, while the small adult Bible study goes to the back room.

Stretch yourself into new areas of ministry and see what happens.

Your church may be a family. But is it a healthy one? Or unhealthy?

You won’t know until you put it to the test.

Pivot is a part of CT's Blog Forum. Support the work of CT. Subscribe and get one year free.
The views of the blogger do not necessarily reflect those of Christianity Today.

June 08, 2017 at 1:36 AM

Join in the conversation about this post on Facebook.

Recent Posts

Read More from Karl

Follow Christianity Today

Free Newsletters