Editor's note: The following is adapted from The Parent's Guide to Protecting Your Children in Cyberspace (McGraw-Hill). The author, an attorney specializing in Internet law, is executive director of Cyberangels, a group which protects children online.

There have been many cases recently where adults have lured children into offline meetings and molested them. Luckily, there are even more cases when such attempts have brought about the attention of law-enforcement groups.

I don't want to sensationalize these cases, but if explaining the methods of cyberpredators makes parents more aware, and their children safer, it's worth it.

Cyberpredators usually aren't scary, hairy monsters in trench coats on street corners. They are pediatricians, teachers, lawyers, clergy, welfare workers, journalists, Boy Scout leaders, baseball coaches, etc. They are often articulate and well educated. They come in all shapes, sizes, and colors, though they're usually men. They have one thing in common: they want your child.

To protect our children, we must get into the mind of the predator.

Predators often don't see themselves as predators. They see themselves as loving partners with the children they molest. To them this isn't rape, it's seduction. And it's often a slow process. (Predators have been known to wait more than two years, collecting data on a child, before striking.) That's what makes them hard to detect. They don't appear to be dangerous.

An FBI agent said it best: "Before the Internet, these people had to get physically close to your children. They had to lurk near schoolyards, or playgrounds. Kids would see them. Adults would see them. … Everyone would notice an adult male lurking around children. …

"Now, they can hang out with your kids online without [being seen]. As long as they don't say or do something … that makes them stand out, they can stay there forever, taking notes."

Many of them do. They sometimes create databases on children, tracking kids' likes and dislikes and information such as whose parents are divorced, who doesn't like their father's new girlfriend or their mother's boyfriend, or who likes computer games or a particular rock group.

A typical chat
Here's a mock chatroom discussion that's pretty realistic. Would your child fall for this?

Child: I hate my mom! I know it's her fault that my parents are getting divorced.

Predator: I know. My parents are getting divorced, too.

Child: We never have any money anymore, either. Every time I need something, she says: "We can't afford it." When my parents were together, I could buy things. Now I can't.

Predator: Me too. I hate that!

Child: I waited six months for the new computer game to come out. My mom promised to buy it for me. Now it's out. Can I buy it? Nope. "We don't have enough money!" I hate my mom!

Predator: Oh! I'm so sorry! I got it! I have this really kewl uncle who buys me things all the time. He's really rich.

Child: You're sooooo lucky. I wish I had a rich and kewl uncle.

Predator: Hey! I got an idea! I'll ask my uncle if he'll buy you one too. I bet he'd say yes.

Child: Really!? Thanks!!

Predator: BRB [cybertalk for "be right back"] … I'll call him.

Predator: Guess what? He said okay. He's gonna buy you the game!

Child: Wow, really? Thanks. I can't believe it!!!

Predator: Where do you live?

Child: NJ. What about you?

Predator: New York. So does my uncle. New Jersey isn't far.

Child: Great!

Predator: Is there a mall near you? We can meet there.

Child: Okay. I live near the GSP Mall.

Predator: I've heard of that. No prob. What about Saturday?

Child: Kewl.

Predator: We can go to McDonald's too if you want. We'll meet you there at noon.

Child: Okay. Where?

Predator: The computer game store. Oh! My uncle's name is George. He's really kewl.

Child: Great … thanks, I really appreciate it.

Saturday arrives. The child goes to the mall and meets "Uncle George," who says his nephew is already at McDonald's. The child is uncomfortable, but the "uncle" walks into the store and buys the $100 game. He hands it to the child, who is immediately neutralized and delighted.

Stranger-danger warnings don't apply. This isn't a stranger—he's "Uncle George," and if any proof was needed, the computer game is it. The child gets into Uncle George's car without hesitation to meet his friend at McDonald's. The rest is reported on the 6 o'clock news.

It's disgusting, but it happens. Not very often, but often enough. (Several hundred cyberpredators are caught and arrested each year.) Even once is too much, though, if it's your child.

Knowing how they operate will help you teach your child how to avoid being victimized.

How they operate
Pedophiles tend to use the same general tactics. Aside from the "bait and switch" scam discussed above, they often attempt to seduce a child.

They begin by striking up a conversation, trying to create a relationship of trust. They often masquerade as another child or teen, typically of the opposite sex. Phone calls usually start at this point. Sometimes gifts are sent to the child as well—including Polaroid cameras, asking for pictures of the child.

Once they've broken down barriers of caution, they introduce sexual topics gradually, often using child pornography to give the impression that other children are regularly involved in sexual activities.

Then they begin to approach the child's own sexuality by asking questions and giving "assignments," like wearing special underwear, sending sexually suggestive photos of themselves to the pedophile, or performing certain sexual acts.

These assignments eventually broaden to the exchange of sexually explicit photographs or videos of the child. Finally, the pedophile attempts to arrange a face-to-face meeting. (He may also have divulged his true age at this point.)

All the lectures we've given our children about not talking to strangers aren't applicable online, where everyone is a stranger. And since the child assumes he's talking to other children, stranger-danger defenses aren't triggered.

Children often believe what they read and hear. They "know" things about the predator because they believe what he told them.

Additionally, pedophiles typically feed the child's complaints about her home life—creating an "us-versus-them" atmosphere. "Your mom is so mean to you! I don't know why she won't let you … "—fill in the blank with whatever parents regulate: makeup, malls, concerts, etc.

This does two things: It creates a distance between the child and her parents, while bringing the child into a special secret alliance with the pedophile.

Anatomy of a real case
One case several years ago involved a New Jersey teenager and an Ohio adult predator. Luckily, the liaison was discovered before the girl met the man face-to-face. But it had gone on for a year and a half before being discovered by the girl's mother. As you read the details, think about what could have been done to discover the situation earlier.

Paul Brown, Jr., 46, was unemployed. Mary (not her real name) was 12 when she went online in the spring of 1995. She posted a message looking for a pen pal, describing herself as a teenage girl. Brown responded, using his real name (they often do, surprisingly) but identifying himself as a 15-year-old boy.

Brown and Mary maintained an e-mail and telephone relationship for several months. As the relationship became more involved, they began writing letters, and Mary sent Brown a photograph. He said he lived at home with his mother and wanted a girlfriend. In early August, Brown asked Mary for a "favor."

"If I sent you a roll of film, could you get one of your friends to take pictures of you in different outfits and maybe hairstyles? Makeup if you use any, and different poses. Some sexy, if possible. Please. Baby for me. Thanx. You're the best. Love Ya."

Mary complied. For the next eight months, they continued to correspond, and Mary sent more photos. Brown encouraged her with juvenile antics, such as using stickers in his letters to her saying things like "Getting better all the time!" In May 1996, Brown sent Mary a love note. "Saying I love you … seems to be an understatement. At the age of 14 you have captured my heart and made it sing … I love everything about you … "

Shortly thereafter, Brown told Mary he was in his twenties. He suggested that Mary videotape herself in sexually provocative poses. She did. After Brown had reviewed her videotape, he returned it to her with instructions to redo the tape and include views of her genitalia and breasts. He later admitted to being divorced and in his thirties.

He reportedly also sent her small gifts from time to time. A few months later, in response to Brown's promise to pass copies of the tape to four members of a rock band Mary admired, she sent additional videotapes to Brown. Each tape sent to Brown was designated for a different member of the band and contained sexually explicit conduct.

Brown apparently had also sent her his underwear. When her mother discovered the underwear, authorities were notified. Tracing Brown through phone records, FBI agents in Cleveland seized the videotapes and photos of Mary and of more than ten other teenage girls from across the country.

Mary was 14 when this was all discovered. Brown pled guilty to enticing a minor to produce sexually explicit photos and videos, and was sentenced to a little less than five years in prison (the maximum penalty for a first offense). In a written statement to Brown following all of this, Mary said, "I trusted you. I thought you were my friend."

Warning signs
Several things stand out in this case. One, Mary's interstate phone calls; parents should review phone bills for suspicious calls. Two, Mary was lonely, which made her vulnerable; a parent should be involved in their kids' online friendships, and monitor their online lives. Three, a year and a half is a long time for a relationship to go on undiscovered. Spend time learning who your children's friends are, online and off.

Knowing your child is lonely and has problems making friends is the first sign that he or she is vulnerable. Predators can spot lonely children. They befriend these kids and patiently build trust, looking toward the day when they can meet face-to-face.

Encourage your children to make online friends, but keep the computer in a central location and learn about their online friends. Education is important too; had Mary known how pedophiles operate online, she may have recognized his tactics, or at least noticed how old he sounded on the phone.

It's also important to maintain control over incoming and outgoing information, especially when younger children are involved, by using technology blockers, monitors, and filters (see "Cleaning Supplies"—hardcopy only).

These situations can be avoided if you plan ahead, educate and communicate with your kids, and keep your eyes open.

The Parent's Guide to Protecting Your Children in Cyberspace can be ordered at www.cyberangels.org, or bought at all major bookstores and other online bookstores.

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