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Fannie Hamilton sat among teenagers during the Sunday service. She used her left hand to hold up her stroke-affected right hand in praise, belting out the words to "My Glorious" by Delirious. A few minutes later, she stood next to a 16-year-old, who joined her in belting out the words to "Great Is Thy Faithfulness." She was a small group leader in our youth ministry—at the age of 82.

She embodied my vision for the church as real and relevant to all ages. I had envisioned a church with young and old and in-between learning from one another, deferring, serving, praying, working, worshiping together—one heart, one mind, one church (Acts 4:32).

I long for a church where teenagers don't leave as soon as they turn 18. According to George Barna, there are 8 million teens active in student ministries now but who will no longer attend church when they're 30—a 58 percent drop in church attendance during the 20-something years. That shouldn't be.

In my 12 years as a youth pastor, we equipped our students for lifestyle evangelism; we created fun, authentic environments of grace; we discipled young people; and we passed the baton of leadership to the next generation. Student ministries were inspiring and captivated young people. I remember making a silent vow, "God, if I ever get to be a senior pastor, I'm going to do youth ministry for big people."

At Fannie Hamilton's church, that's exactly what happened.

My first opportunity to try this YM4BP strategy came when a church of 150 in Harrodsburg, Kentucky, called me to be their pastor. In my first year, we made many changes ("I'm just a youth pastor," I told them, "I don't know any better"), the most important of which was to get real.

One of the first lessons of youth ministry is to keep it real. Teenagers have their authenticity meter tuned high. If you're not the same person on Sunday that you are the rest of the week, if your language is different, or if you act differently, they can smell it. When they turn 18, if they suspect the whole church is that way, they leave it.

This church was filled with good-hearted people, but they were trying to become what they thought church should look like. They tried to be high church instead of being themselves. I challenged the church to change.

Through modeling and from the pulpit I consistently communicated, "Let's talk about real struggles and real questions. Let's not be an exclusive club, but instead build a community that currently disconnected people want to be a part of." I encouraged them to befriend non-Christians and to rub shoulders with the culture, so they could learn to talk normally and engage people outside the church in meaningful conversation.

In preaching, I would crack open the door to my personal life, not to glamorize evil, but to say, "This is my struggle, and this is how God has helped me." Sometimes I would deliver a string of Christianese jargon to point out how exclusive and silly we sound when we talk like that.

There's a saying in that area, "The reason central Kentucky has so many rolling hills is because people have been burying their stuff for generations." We won't have any impact on 20-somethings if we "hide"our stuff.

Russ didn't hide anything. I had Russ share his story of gambling addiction before the church. They didn't normally talk about things like that, but we started inviting people from the congregation to share their stories.

Russ pushed us to become more real when he stood up and said, "I was sitting there with a bottle of Jack Daniels in one hand and the remote in the other, watching the Super Bowl, knowing I had just lost my house because my team had lost. I put down the remote, and I picked up the phone to call rehab." He opened a door for people to be honest.

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