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You may be a people-pleaser, ignoring healthy boundaries and depleting yourself into resentment.

Yet, you can choose to define your identity by God's grace and the gifts God has given you, not what others think.

Finally, you can choose to redefine success the way Jesus does: whatever talents, whatever innate wiring God has given you, developed to their utmost potential. Yes, learn from other ministries, but in the end, you will be your most effective and thus, healthiest, when you pastor incarnationally: digging deep into your own setting, allowing your unique leadership bent to flourish in the never-to-be-repeated context of your community.

Will you need professional counseling and/or mentoring to make healthier choices? Quite possibly. Will the ability to establish healthier patterns come overnight? Not likely. Re-programming lifelong patterns may be a longer process than you think. You only need to take one step right now, and that is to acknowledge that the process needs to begin.

If you have read this article and recognize yourself as a sexual addict (or any other kind of addict), you need to seek help immediately. Your problem is not going to go away by (a) convincing yourself that you don't really have an addiction; (b) telling yourself that your addiction isn't really that bad or (c) escalating your addictive behavior out of a sense of guilt and powerlessness.

You need to explore what in your past or ministry or other lifestyle dynamics might be driving you into destructive behavior. You also need to identify specific events, scenarios, or feelings that tend to trigger an acting-out episode. Most important, you need to get crucial tools for living in healthier ways.

Is it possible that your addictive patterns are severe enough that you will need to leave the pastoral ministry altogether? Yes. My former husband is a prime example of a person whose addictive behavior was at such an advanced, severe stage, he was incapable of managing himself, much less a flock.

Whatever your situation at this point, however, it is a fact that you are cherished by your Maker, Redeemer, and Sustainer.

You are loved beyond your ability to fathom. The emotional baggage you are carrying as a pastor and/or the addiction that is holding you captive this very moment may actually be the opportunity for you to experience God's love more tangibly than you've ever known.

Sally Morgenthaler consults with pastors and staff on collaborative leadership strategies. Her book on co-creative leadership will be published this year by InterVarsity Press.

Copyright © 2006 by the author or Christianity Today International/Leadership Journal.
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