Leadership Journal

When it comes to a great small group, we shouldn't try to balance the three core patterns of connecting, changing, and cultivating. Instead, we should try to harmonize them and avoid letting one pattern become the obsession of the group that swamps all the others.

A group that is obsessed with connecting might start strong but end with a fizzle. "Our group was going great," my friend Nick said. "All three guys faithfully showed up week after week. And then one by one, guys started missing. Now all three say they don't have time for it anymore. What went wrong?"

I asked Nick to describe their meetings. "We met at 6:30 every Thursday at the Waffle House for an hour or so." He went on: "We talked about sports, politics, family, work. Whatever the guys had on their minds."

Nick meant well, but the connecting pattern alone will not hold a group together for long. Unless the group becomes best of friends, a weekly commitment isn't worth the effort. I suggested that helping the men see their group as a resource for growing in Christ might revive the dying group.

Change-obsessed groups usually have an insatiable thirst for intense "Bible study" that leads to becoming more like Jesus in a particular area. How could I criticize a group of people deeply obsessed with changing?

Through the years I have helped launch more than fifty groups that were concerned only with change. We moved hundreds of people through an excellent curriculum on financial stewardship. However, only a few groups ever continued after the material ended. That's because the material had one glaring flaw: it crushed small groups.

The material was highly structured. Side conversations had to be kept to a minimum and discussion was discouraged, since the limited time was to be spent answering the questions in the book and watching the video. The closest thing to relational development was the one potluck night and a brief time to share prayer requests.

These stewardship groups were change obsessed, but they neglected connecting and cultivating. That ultimately squashed the little community that was beginning to form. In the long run, change might have been even more significant if we journeyed with the same people beyond ten weeks.

These groups are preoccupied with developing a missional life focused on serving and sharinng the faith.

A few years ago, Jenny formed a team to coordinate a Christmas project. In mid-September she gathered seven others to plan and prepare for the thousands of gifts that would be donated for children in need.

"We met often," Jenny said. "We even ate together a couple times a month leading up to the collection." But as soon as the project was over, so was the group.

They nailed the pattern of cultivating, but for the group to go on after the project, they needed to spend time connecting and changing. Some cultivation groups are designed to last only for a season, but many people lament forming ...