Leadership Journal

For Richard Yasinski the depression began soon after he turned 40.

The Springfield, Missouri, coffeehouse church he had planted four years earlier didn't seem to be growing beyond the few dozen tattooed and pierced teenagers who had been around since the beginning. Yasinski began comparing himself with other pastors his age that he viewed as more successful, which made him feel like a failure.

In addition to his career woes, Yasinski had medical issues. A diagnosis of ulcerative colitis resulted in surgery to remove his colon. His doctor had prescribed a narcotic to ease the pain, but Yasinski didn't give any thought to the label warning that the drug shouldn't be taken by those susceptible to alcohol addiction. Sure, his parents had been alcoholics, and he had been a heavy drinker in high school. But upon accepting Jesus at 18, Yasinski experienced deliverance from his vices, and he had sensed a call to ministry. He had successfully avoided alcohol.

But now the pain medication—along with his depression—triggered a powerful chemical reaction, something he hadn't felt since youth. One day, as he shoveled snow, he recalled drinking a half pint of brandy more than 20 years earlier. What a great way to warm up and relax, he thought. Just once wouldn't hurt.

Once turned into months of repeated episodes of drinking. A half year later, Yasinski found himself drinking a fifth of brandy, or more, every day. He hid the alcohol wherever he could—behind the water heater in the garage, in the attic, or in the toilet tank. He concealed his compulsion from everyone, even from his wife, Rebecca.

"I felt like I could not tell a soul," Yasinski says. "No one would understand. I felt so guilty, but I couldn't stop."

After a year of drinking, he eventually told Rebecca and feared gripped her. Rebecca covered for her husband, telling people Richard missed church because of the lingering effects of his colon illness, which was partly true.

Yasinski promised himself and his wife over and over that he would quit drinking. And he did—for a couple of days. But the addiction progressed and he could no longer cope. With help from Rebecca and an elder, Wes Bowen, in whom he had confided, Yasinski checked into a five-day detoxification program at a local hospital. But almost immediately after being discharged, Yasinski began drinking again.

By June 2008, Yasinski made a decision: unable to kick his habit, he would quit the church he had founded. Yasinski called the key leaders to a meeting at his house. Around 30 people showed up. Still hung-over, Yasinski told the group about his addiction and that he wanted to resign. They needed a pastor with integrity, he told them, not a lying hypocrite. But rather than being greeted by jeers or judgment, Yasinski received tears and compassion. The group unanimously rejected his resignation and vowed to help him through the crisis, saying his job would be held as long as necessary.

"Instead of kicking me to the curb, they showed nothing but grace," Yasinski says. By Monday morning, Yasinski was en route to a Christian rehabilitation center in Florida for a 40-day stay.

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