Navigating a Moral Crisis
Our church was recently hit with a high-ranking moral tragedy. It was discovered that a staff member (and close friend) was engaging in marital infidelity.
I was crushed. I didn't see it coming. None of us did. Of all the crises I've faced and had to deal with over the last 17 years of pastoral ministry, this was a first for me. I have dealt on numerous occasions with husbands and wives in the throes of extramarital affairs, but never a staff member. Never someone this close to me. It'll take me a long time to get over this one.
On top of having to deal with this on a very personal level, I had the responsibility of leading our church through this crisis. How do you handle something like this? What do you tell people? I reached out to a handful of older, wiser, more seasoned friends of mine who are pastors that have lived and led through situations like this. Their help and counsel and encouragement and insight were indispensable for me. What would I do without these men in my life?
One week after we discovered the affair, I had to stand up on my first Sunday back from vacation and tell our church what happened. I, of course, did not share much. I steered clear of details. I simply told our church that this man had been engaged in marital infidelity and the situation was such that it required him to be removed from his position. I shared with our church the detailed ways that we were caring for the families involved and communicated our long-term commitment to continue caring for the families involved. It was a tough morning for me. It was a tough morning for everybody. The hurt, the anger, the sadness, the confusion.
I preached from Galatians 5:13, and among the things I emphasized and explained to our church was that we are not a one-word community (law or gospel) but a two word community (law then gospel). A law-only community responds to a situation like this by calling for the guy's head (sadly, many churches are guilty of this). These churches lick their chops at the opportunity to excommunicate. A gospel-only community responds by saying, "We're no better than he is, so why does he have to lose his job? After all, don't we believe in grace and forgiveness?" A one word community simply doesn't possess the biblical wisdom or theological resources to know how to deal with sinners in an honest, loving, and appropriate way.
Explaining that we are a law-gospel community, I showed how pastorally this means we believe God uses his law to crush hard hearts and his gospel to cure broken hearts. The law is God's first word; the gospel is God's final word. And when we rush past God's first word to get to God's final word and the law has not yet had a chance to do its deep wrecking work, the gospel is not given a chance to do its deep restorative work. Sinners never experience the freedom that comes from crying "Abba" (gospel) until they first cry "Uncle" (law).
I illustrated this point by reminding our church that the father of the prodigal son did not fall ...
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Displaying 1–5 of 8 comments
Sherman J Smith
I am reading this from Illinois and have no idea "who" the staff member was. It doesn't matter. What matters to me is this church ministered to the family and is continuing to do so. They did not kick the man to the curb as some churches have done. Priase the Lord for a church that cares. As a pastor I'm grateful for a church that loves someone even when they fall. Thank you Bro. Tullian for sharing a true heart breaking struggle and admitting you didn't have all the answers.
Pastor, wife & mom
I agree with Anon. I think this was ego for Tullian - to showcase how tough it was for HIM w/o thinking of how it was just one more place where the staff member's wife might again be hurt and exposed. You could have done the article without mentioning the personal stafff experience. You needed to handle it within your congregation in a direct fashion so I agree w/that, but not rehashing it here where your reputation and ministry and connections are well known.
Ken
To ANON who said, "It is not hard to figure out who the person is and I wonder if the Biblical way to handle this is to tell the world so his wife and children are more humiliated than ever." The world is going to find out, best they hear it from a compassionate sourse. ANON also asked, "Who cares how Tullian was affected?" Well, God cares, and so should we.
Rev
I had to deal with this in a previous church setting where both of the offenders were close friends and staff members. It was the hardest thing I've had to do in ministry. In the end, I got a "thank you" from one of the two - because I held him accountable, he ended up getting his family back. It still hurts, nearly 3 years later, but the glimmer of hope still shines for both families. I thought this was a well-thought, biblical response to an unfortunate episode of sin in the life of a congregation. And, for what it's worth, I, too, had to come home from vacation to deal with the crisis.
Átila, pr.
Our call is love. Our calling is also live this love, therefore discipline is so important for the restoration of a leader. But only you know the depth of pain he who walks with him in the valley of shadows. Who knows the reason for everything except the Lord? 'Restoration' is the application of biblical love, forgive as we are forgiven, bringing back as we are led by God every day. The church has treated poorly his own sins. When I see someone speaking ill of a leader, who had posted a sin, I notice how much our love is relative and thought from ourselves. Embody discipline and restoration to the glory of God and as God's will. Grace and Peace of the Master for all.
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