Ministry Meltdown
Something happened to me in my early 40s that confused me. The church was growing by 20 percent or more each year, and we were building buildings, adding staff, and the requests to speak and teach outside of our church were increasing. I was invited to lead the preaching department at Bethel Theological Seminary as a permanent part-time professor; I couldn't have scripted my life any better. Everything I was doing seemed to fit who I was. But about two years into it, I was miserable.
I didn't see it at the time, but the demands on my life had outgrown my ability to keep up. I felt tethered to so many different people and obligations that one day I took my canoe out to a local lake in the driving rain, paddled out to the middle, and just sat there for two hours. With rain and tears streaming down my face, I looked up toward the grey sky and said out loud, "What's wrong with me?" What confused me was that everything that I was doing was good. But doing all of it was slowly sucking the life out of me.
Danger signs
The cracks started showing up in harsh comments and bursts of anger toward my wife, kids, and staff. I had become a recluse at the office. I sequestered myself behind a closed door, because I had to crank out a sermon, lesson plan, or meeting agenda. Tensions between my staff and me were swept under the rug. If someone got hurt, well, as far as I was concerned, it was tough luck, suck it up, and just do your job. There was no real interaction, just get it done and don't bother me, because I was in demand and people should understand that.
At home I was even worse. I was a brooding and angry man who reacted to the smallest slights with hurtful comments and gestures. The kids learned to stay clear and wondered quietly to my wife, "Why is dad like he is all the time?"
Between Laurie and me there was plenty of yelling and tears, followed by days of staying out of each other's way. I didn't understand why I felt or behaved that way. I thought everybody else was the problem, and that they just didn't understand my world. I excused my behavior because "I was doing what God had led me to do." And that was true, I was doing what God had led me to do, only I was doing too much of it.
I had a sense that something inside me was breaking. But I didn't have the time or energy to address it. I was also too afraid to allow anyone to have access to my soul.
Emotionally, I was depleted, and it showed up in my inability to love or to laugh. Bill Hybels once said, "The way I was doing God's work was destroying the work of God in me." My inability to love or laugh manifested itself in a very painful way on a family trip to the North Shore on Lake Superior.
Blue Fin Bay
After four hours on the road, we unpacked our stuff at Blue Fin Bay. That's when I discovered I had packed all the skis but no ski boots, which was just enough to tip me over the edge. My frustration erupted: "How can I be expected to keep track of everything? How can I be responsible for the kids' stuff, ...
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Displaying 6–10 of 28 comments
Philip
I saw the same experience in myself years back when I journeyed through the same path - overworked, closed to burnout, quick and hot temper, impatience etc. thank God for His grace that he sent someone into my life to help leading me out of the pit. Yes, humility in admitting my flaws and the crisis in my life is the first step to recovery. Slowed down, stopped some programs, rested well (especially in the Lord), true repentance and be determined to change is the following vital steps. One thing is sure - God gives second chance and renew those who are willing to wait upon Him (Isa.40:28-31) to listen and be obedient to His guidance. Now, i am able to continue to serve Him with true joy and real peace! Praise the Lord!
Rod B.
Great article. Thanks for your transparency. Ministry is a real balancing piece of work. Building your relationship with the Lord, your spouse, your children, your leadership and the church folks can be challenging. There are many obtacles but I found as I stay humble before the Lord, He gives me all the grace and wisdom to be who He wants me to be. The work can't get more important than loving and knowing the Lord. Blessings
Rev. Carlene Appel
Excellent story Bob of how destructive Compassion Fatigue can become if we don't take steps to prevent it. Compassion Fatigue hit me a few years after I completed a pastorate in one of those "churches from hell" I was 3 years into serving a wonderful church with ministry going very well and the damage from the previous congregation broadsided me. Became critically ill and a year later had to resign as I wasn't getting better though my church graciously gave me 2 paid medical leaves. I will always cherish my time with the people there-they were the best! Anyway, I took a year off and exactly one year later to the day I started ministry as a hospice Chaplain and here it is nearly 5 years later. I love my "congregation" that's spread out over the many miles I drive each day to see them. Bob I'm glad God sent Dean and Fred into your life to help you through very severe Compassion Fatigue. May your personal life and ministry continue to renew and energize you as you take care of yourself. Healthy boundaries are indeed important.
Hess Hester
Bob, thanks for sharing your story- one repeated many times over at many different levels. I suspect that hiring a "life coach" may be out of the question for many if not most pastors. For those, I recommend checking into the possibility of participating in a CPR group. Check it out at cprpastors.com
VanPastorMan
This story reminds me of Moses' turnaround in Exodus 18. I am amazed at some pastors and how talented they are. They seem to be able to get so much done. Sometimes I wish I was like this because I am not that motivated. I've always served small churches and enjoy being busy enough, but not too busy. My energy level is just not up to what some other pastors are able to do. Hopefully I am not shortchanging myself and the ministry. We've all heard stories about pastors who burn out. But we can also rust out. Perhaps I need to look at my health,eating habits etc so I can do more. Thanks for letting me say this in a forumn that is safe.
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