In 1970, Walter Mischel conducted a now classic experiment. He left four-year-olds in a room with a bell and a marshmallow. If the child rang the bell, he would come back and let her eat the marshmallow. But if she resisted ringing the bell, and waited for him to return on his own, the child would be given two marshmallows. The choice was between instant gratification and delayed-but-increased gratification.
Mischel videotaped the kids desperately trying to exercise self-control. Some broke down and rang the bell in less than a minute. Others lasted up to 15 minutes. Mischel continued to track the children through their teen years and into adulthood. He concluded that the children who exhibited the least self-control at four were more likely to become bullies, receive poor grades in school, and have substance abuse problems by age 32. The preschoolers who waited, on the other hand, tended to outperform their peers in school, went on to college, and became healthier adults.
I have considered conducting this same experiment with my own children, but I'm afraid of what the outcome might reveal about them ... and me. Mischel wrote in his report, "It pays to work toward the future instead of living for instant gratification." That is the basic goal of parenting. We try to nurture an infant, which has no ability to delay his desires, into a mature adult who can control his desires in order to maximize future pleasure and minimize future pain.
Mischel's marshmallow test reveals the missing factor in our contemporary conversations about sex. Ours is not the first sex-saturated culture to inhabit the earth, but we are the first to also have an economic system predicated on instant gratification. Consider ...