Shielding your Heart from Strife
5 ways to limit conflict's impact on you.
Jock E. Ficken
April 1, 1998
As I hung up the telephone, I realized Jerry had done it to me again. This round lasted no more than five, maybe ten minutes, but my doubts lingered for days. Jerry and his family were on-again-off-again worshipers. Of late, they were off again. I had called to express concern, to say they were missed. Jerry informed me that if I really cared, "You would have called a long time ago. And you wouldn't pay so much attention to the rich folks in the church. And you would care more about us in the church than the unchurched." What conflict can do
Such conflict can negatively affect me: - It pushes me away from sound judgment. I tend to want to please people and avoid conflict. Conflict pushes me, like an opposing magnetic force, away from sound, godly judgment. Instead, I am magnetized toward self-doubt, stubbornness, self-pity, self-indulgence, or solemn resignation.
I think, How could he say I didn't care? Maybe I am a poor pastor. I probably should have called sooner. Maybe I'm not cut out to be a pastor.
- It affects my preaching. In my first year of pastoral ministry, James was waiting for me after the worship service. He had white, swept-back hair; he was a senior member of the congregation. He spoke with a gravelly voice: "Pastor, you better not say that word around here anymore or there won't be anyone left in the pews. They will all leave."
"What word?"
"Money," he said.
I had mentioned it twice in the sermon. Giving was weak in the church—and that was a generous appraisal. James's comment taught me, wrongly, that preaching about money creates conflict. I thought, If two words could anger one guy and threaten to send everyone else running for the doors—imagine what a whole sermon on the topic might do!
Seven years passed until I preached again on money. Not until someone told me, "It's natural for people who are not generous givers to react with guilt or fear," did I return to the subject.
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