Jump directly to the Content

Speed Leas, co-author of Mastering Conflict and Controversy, writes about a church that was mired in "dissension between the newcomers and long-time members." At an all-day meeting, the congregation drew up guidelines for how they would handle their conflict. Some of those guidelines:

  1. Conflict can be healthy and useful for our church. It is okay for people to differ with one another.

  2. Resolutions for the sake of quick agreement are often worse than agreements that are carefully worked out over time.

  3. Fair conflict management includes:
    1. dealing with one issue at a time;
    2. if more than one issue is presented, agreeing on the order in which the issues will be addressed;
    3. exploring all the dimensions of the problem(s);
    4. exploring alternative solutions to the problem(s).
  4. If any party is uncomfortable with the forum in which the conflict is raised, it is legitimate to request and discuss what the most appropriate forum might be.

  5. Inappropriate behavior in conflict includes, but is not limited to:
    1. name calling;
    2. mind reading (attributing evil motives to others);
    3. inducing guilt (e.g., "Look how you've made me feel");
    4. rejecting, deprecating, or discrediting another person;
    5. using information from confidential sources or indicating that such information exists.
March
Support Our Work

Subscribe to CT for less than $4.25/month

Homepage Subscription Panel

Read These Next

Related
My Bitter Quesadilla
My Bitter Quesadilla
When a close friend left my church, I faced the inevitability of relational failure.
From the Magazine
I Hated ‘Church People.’ But I Knew I Needed Them.
I Hated ‘Church People.’ But I Knew I Needed Them.
As I attended my second funeral in three weeks, two Christians showed me a kindness I couldn’t explain.
Editor's Pick
What Christians Miss When They Dismiss Imagination
What Christians Miss When They Dismiss Imagination
Understanding God and our world needs more than bare reason and experience.
close