"I can't be your pastor anymore. I'm sorry." My tiny congregation stared back in shock.

In 1985, I'd moved to this promising community to start a church. I'd expected forty people at the inaugural worship service — fourteen showed up. Not until I decided to leave did our church average forty in attendance.

The low figure wasn't for lack of hard work. I didn't know as much as I'd thought I did, and ministry was much harder than I had anticipated. So I quit.

Since then, I've learned some powerful lessons — ones I wish I'd known before I quit.

I WISH I'D KNOWN HOW MUCH PEOPLE LOVED ME
I'd believed the primary reason for anyone to love me was for producing results as a leader. The day I resigned I began to learn how much people loved me for who I WAS, not what I DID.

I WISH I'D KNOWN HOW MUCH I LOVED THEM
After my resignation, the congregation met in our home to decide how it would carry on. That night, I couldn't believe how much I loved these people. The same folks I'd been frustrated with — and blamed for my lack of success — were ones I now grieved over losing. The bonds of affection had been there all along; I detected them only when I tried to break free from them.

I WISH I'D KNOWN HOW MUCH GOOD WAS HAPPENING
The week before I quit, I told my dad about my decision. He said, "Pay attention to what happens. I think you'll notice much more good is going on in your church than you would have imagined."

Those were prophetic words. People stepped up to ministry as soon as I got out of their way. Folks came into a relationship with God because of seeds planted during my ministry. People called and wrote letters expressing how much they had benefited from my ministry.

I half-expected the church to fold. It didn't. Instead it continued to slowly grow. I wish I'd seen that my people were beyond where I thought they were.

I WISH I'D KNOWN THERE WERE ALTERNATIVES TO QUITTING
I shared my decision with three men in my church a week before I quit. What I didn't do was listen to them. They brought up three alternatives I should have considered:

1. Take a leave of absence. Most churches really do love their pastors, and would much prefer to work out a time of absence for healing, rather than go through the divorce-and-remarriage process.

2. Talk with other pastors. They would have loved to help me. I didn't ask.

3. Work maintenance into the weekly routine. Failure is inevitable in ministry, and dealing with failure demands not only a spiritual strategy, but a physical one as well.

I WISH I'D KNOWN THE IMPORTANCE OF KEEPING SHARP
For years, I thought I couldn't afford conferences and books. I now know I can't afford to go without them.

I WISH I'D KNOWN HOW MUCH INAPPROPRIATE PRIDE WAS INVOLVED
Pride prevented me from talking to others, from considering options, or from taking time off. Pride kept me from saying, "I don't know what to do," as opposed to saying, "I'm going to quit — end of discussion!"

I no longer ask if my resignation was a mistake. Instead I ask: Have I learned from that experience? When tempted to move, I ask: Am I committed to learn and grow, and not quit if at all possible? These lessons have been used by Christ to create a tighter bond to the ministry I now serve.

Anthony Laird is pastor of East Tucson (Arizona) Baptist Church. To reply, write: Newsletter@LeadershipJournal.net

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