Hey Dad,

You know one of the great things about traveling around in an RV is that it is good for my marriage—eventually. Unfortunately, it takes about three weeks out on the road before it gets to that point. During the first couple of weeks there is a lot of stress, tears, and frustration.

I'm totally focused on the RV, leaving little room for talking, sharing, or close time with my wife. I get snappy and feel exhausted. As the early weeks pass, I get less sensitive—and my wife gets more sensitive.

In fact, at the start of this past week, my wife didn't like me too much. She said I didn't care about how she felt. Truth was, I didn't. I just wanted her to buck up and take it like a trooper, so that's how I was treating her.

After a couple of weeks of insensitivity, I said I was sorry—but that didn't solve anything.

"I need you to resolve this," she said one night in tears.

"I thought I did. I said I was sorry; what more is there to resolve? I was insensitive and so I'm sorry. There, I said it again. So let's move on."

She was unmoved by my logic and began to tell me how she just needed to talk about it.

Oh no, I thought, not the "I just need to talk about it some more" comment.

I just don't get it. I should by now, but I don't. I like the quickly-ask-forgiveness-and-move-on approach. Pretending it's resolved is so much easier than "talking about it." But since my approach wasn't working, I thought I'd give it a try and said, "So what are you feeling?"

You know what? It worked. We talked about how she felt, how I had been an insensitive clod (what's new), and then—we held each other, and all was right with the world—almost. I'd like to say everything is back to normal, but my wife still needs me to keep talking (go figure). Now I know some husbands would ask, "Why does it always have to be us who resolve it?"

I know what they mean, but instead of lamenting the fact that it's hard being married to a woman, I say, "Bring it on!" because I'm 'da husband.

So, Dad, if your wife is acting a little "non-manish" and needs something resolved, then grab the bull by the horns and ask, "So what are you feeling?"

After all, you 'da husband!

© 2008 Todd Wilson. Used by permission.

[04/25/2008]

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