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Q. Does candor come naturally for you?

A. No way! I come from a line of accomplished diplomats who took care not to appear critical or judgmental. These traits are in my genes; they helped me as a salesman.

How did diplomacy work for you at home?

My family didn't appreciate it. "What are you trying to say?" my wife asked, thinking I was trying to "sell" her something. "Why are you acting that way, Daddy?" my kids asked when I attempted subtle, nonverbal communication. Diplomacy came across looking a lot like manipulation.

I learned that absolute candor, spoken with tender words, was the most loving thing I could bring to my family. Choosing an appropriate setting and the right time was still important, but my wife and children made it clear they didn't want me to beat around the bush. They wanted to know what I was thinking. So, although it took some practice and courage, I began to tell them.

With candor working at home, did you try it out at work?

Yes. The first test came when our company downsized and I had to let some staff go. My diplomacy genes shouted, Let these people down easy. But my wife and kids had taught me that sometimes diplomacy ends up causing more pain.

So when the first ill-fated employee walked into my office, I made no small talk. "I've asked you into my office to tell you that I'm going to let you go. I'm terribly sorry, but I have no choice." Then I held my breath. But each one I talked to that day seemed grateful for the way I'd delivered the bad news.

Robert Wolgemuth is chairman of Nashville-based Wolgemuth & Hyatt Publishers.

Adapted from Daddy@Work (Zondervan, 1999).

NOTE: For your convenience, Daddy@Work is available in the ChristianityToday.com Shopping Channel.

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Prayer for the Week

Jesus, show me the ways I need to grow as a communicator. Give me courage and discernment as I speak.

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