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Q. What difference do vows make in your marriage?

A. When we made our wedding vows, our wives probably heard us pledge all at once our faithfulness "for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, from this day forward, till death do us part." But over the years and in different situations, marriage lets us separate those vows into more understandable and demonstrable pieces.

For example—

During periods of prosperity and health, we get to say, "Honey, things are going really well, and I want you to know that I can't think of another woman I would choose to enjoy all of this with." During periods of poverty and sickness, we repeat our vows: "Sweetheart, we may be struggling right now, but I want you to know that I'm going to stick it out with you."

We also repeat our vows "from this day forward": "Well, honey, here you are turning the big 'four-oh,' but I have to tell you, you are more attractive to me now that when we first married," or "Sweetheart, the kids have all left home now, but I still have you, and that's enough. I love you."

Do our children also need to hear us repeat our vows?

All kids know other kids whose parents are divorced. Once, after I scolded Dee, in Hannah and Sara's presence, we realized they were staring at us fearfully. I told them, "Your mom and I might have disagreements, but we also know that we made some vows be fore God—vows witnessed by your grandparents and aunts and uncles. We're not going to divorce. We love each other."

Ken Canfield is president of the National Center for Fathering.

Adapted from The 7 Secrets of Effective Fathers (Tyndale, 1992).

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Prayer for the Week

Jesus, you are the great healer and restorer. Bind my family together. If I have suffered because of divorce, I ask you to heal our family from its pain and destruction. Please renew our hope.

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