United Front
This Week's Theme: Consistency for Kids
Saturday, March 17, 2001
 1 of 1
Q. Have your kids tried to play dad against mom?
A. Absolutely! For instance, Sherialyn believes that our kids should learn piano to give them a basic music foundation. At one time or another, they've each wailed about the injustice of it all and appealed to me for relief. Maybe they suspected that I didn't think piano was quite so essential as their mom did. And frankly, unless a child proves gifted on the piano, I'd probably not push it when he or she becomes too frustrated. I would probably let the child spend the time practicing what he or she excels in.
But when my kids complain, I don't say, "I agree, but that's what your mom wants." That would undermine both of us. It would undermine her because I would have sided against her, but it would also undermine my authority because it would suggest that I didn't have any say in the matter.
So what would you say?
I'd say something like, "Sometimes in life we all must do things we don't enjoy, and right now, piano practice is one of them for you. One day you'll be glad you put in the time." That's a truthful response, and it gives the message that whether their suspicions about my opinions on practicing are true or not, a higher priority to me is standing in complete unity with Sherialyn.
Later, if I really think piano practice needs adjustment, I can discuss it with her privately until we come to a new agreement.
Ricky Byrdsong, late basketball coach at Northwestern University, Evanston, Illinois.
Adapted from: with Dave and Neta Jackson, Coaching Your Kids in the Game of Life (Bethany, 2000). 1 of 1
God, I need Your help every day to be a good father. Thanks for the challenge of my kids.
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