Emotional Bungee Jumping
Theme for the Week: Unstuffing Our Emotions
Saturday, October 20, 2001
 1 of 1
Q. Why should you share how you feel with your family?
A. Because once you start telling your own stories the room will become safe for other people to tell theirs. That's how it works. Where do people get the courage to jump off the high dive? From the people who went before them. When the business seems risky, someone has to go first. It's a law of human nature.
When you start telling your story, you're an emotional bungee jumper. "Watch this," you say, and they do, wondering if you'll go splat when you get to the bottom. But, miraculously, you don't. You reach the end of your rope, then slowly, almost gracefully re-ascend. It's a wonderful thing. They say, "Do it again!" So you do. Not for the thrill but because you want them to know it's safe.
Sooner or later a loved one says, "I'm ready," and jumps. Then you'd better really listen up!
But we don't know how to talk about these things.
It took me 15 years to develop a healthy emotional vocabulary. I use these words to help my kids identify what they're feeling, like this:
Me: Would you say you feel more betrayed or let down?
Kid: Uh, more let down, I guess.
Me: Well is it closer to let down or victimized?
Kid: No, it's more let down.
Me: Let down or disrespected?
Kid: Yeah, that's what I really feel. I feel disrespected.
Me: Can you tell me about it?
Kid: He thinks his time is a lot more valuable than mine is. And I just find that so infuriating!
Jim Hancock is the author of Raising Adults
Adapted from: Raising Adults (NavPress, 1999) with permission.
For your convenience, Raising Adults is available in the ChristianityToday.com bookstore.
Copyright © 2001 by the author or Christianity Today, Inc./Men of Integrity magazine.
Click here for reprint information on Men of Integrity. 1 of 1
Lord, let me grow to be—like David and Jonathan—a whole man: physically and mentally strong, emotionally expressive.
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