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Q. What harm does replaying old hurts do?

A. It produces stress in three ways:

• Distorted decisions. Old hurts distort our decisions by forcing us either to get even or get away. The presence of the hurter determines where to sit or not to sit, to go or not to go, to talk or not to talk. It is the ultimate irony of bitterness that the people we would like to forget keep controlling our lives, looming larger than life.
• Damaged self worth. A physical wound limits what the body can do; an emotional wound limits what the spirit can do. In junior high, Jeff set out to show his parents by his grades that they had the son they wanted. Working feverishly, he earned five A's and one B. It wasn't enough. De-ciding that he could never be good enough, Jeff now drinks too much, drives too fast, and recently attempted suicide.
• Displaced dislike. Anyone who reminds us of the hurter triggers the old feelings. Friends, bosses, coworkers, loved ones may be cut off abruptly just because their style is similar to the one who wounded us. Bitterness keeps landing on people who don't deserve it.

How do you get rid of bitterness?

Pull up those poisonous roots by forgiving. Forgiving deflates submerged beach balls, unplugs the ugly replays. It begins at the cross as our own unworthiness sweeps over us, followed by Jesus' unconditional embrace. He has been hurt by our sin, neglect, rebellion. But He offers us a new beginning. We learn to forgive by being forgiven.

Ron Hutchcraft, a speaker and seminar leader, hosts a daily radio show.

Adapted from: Living Peacefully in a Stressful World (Discover, 2000) by permission.

Copyright © 2002 by the author or Christianity Today International/Men of Integrity magazine.
Click here for reprint information on Men of Integrity.

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Prayer for the Week

Dear God, help me to accept that wrongs I've suffered are Your problem, while resentments are my problem—and a sin.

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