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Q. Why do I need a checklist?

A. If we did no more maintenance on our cars than we do on our marriages, we'd be walking. Here's a check-off list for regular marriage maintenance:

• I don't insist on winning every round. Marriage is a series of compromises involving "give and take," not "I give and you take!"
  
  
• I don't sleep on conflict. Avoiding talking through issues only compounds the problem. I don't go to sleep until what's bothering me has been resolved.
  
  
• I'm the first to say, "I'm sorry, forgive me!" even if I feel like screaming, "But it wasn't my fault!" In the long run, placing blame doesn't matter; healing a problem does. So I take the first step.
  
  
• I insist that my wife always be first. If I become infected with the "I want mine first" mentality, my marriage is headed for trouble.
  
  
• I love my wife "as is," without nagging, correction, or belittling—expecting that God will make her what she ought to be.
  
  
• I always boost my wife. I compliment her. I don't allow sarcasm and sharp barbs to slip into our conversation.
  
  
• I give my wife the freedom to be her own person. Realizing I've got more to do with her success or failure than anyone else, I encourage her to develop her gifts and talents.
  
  
• We pray together every day. Grasping hands and opening our hearts to our heavenly Father together makes us back away from insisting on our point of view as we say, "Your will be done!"
  
  

Harold Sala is the author of Connecting: 52 Guidelines for Making Marriage Work.

Adapted from Connecting (Christian Publications, 2002), www.guidelines.org by permission

Prayer for the Week

O Christ, help me model the way I relate to my wife after Your sacrificial love for the Church.

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