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Q. Could my wife and I simply be incompatible?

A. That's a comment I frequently hear in marital counseling. A couple that's not getting along complains, "We're not compatible. We're as different as night and day."

In light of God's design for marriage, this is one of the most uninformed statements a husband or wife can make. Of course the two are different. God planned them to be different. The reason a husband and wife need each other is because they are different. It's a good thing you're different from your wife. If you were both the same, one of you would be unnecessary!

One of the sweetest blessings God has given me is a woman whose personality is different from mine. I'm an outgoing, exuberant, public personality while Lois is poised and serene. Because we have contrasting personalities, when I'm too outgoing, her reserve pulls me back. And when she is too reserved, my enthusiasm pulls her forward. Occasionally this causes friction, but those are minor distractions. Our goal remains to make our God-given differences work for us instead of against us, to be enhanced—personally and in ministry—by our differences.

When God brought Eve to Adam, he recognized immediately how distinctly different she was from him—and he was excited about those differences. Adam also knew that Eve was part of him; she made him complete and drove his loneliness away.

If we would only look for what God is trying to teach us through the mate He's given us, then we would be growing instead of griping.

Tony Evans is a Dallas pastor, author, and president of The Urban Alternative.

Adapted from Seasons of Love (Word, 1998) by permission.

Copyright © 2003 by the author or Christianity Today International/Men of Integrity magazine.
Click here for reprint information on Men of Integrity.

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Prayer for the Week

Lord, when we are wrong make us willing to change, and when we are right, make us easy to live with. —Peter Marshall

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