Profile of a Safe Male
Theme of the Week: Become a Safe Male
Stan Thornburg
Saturday, March 29, 2003
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Q. What qualities make a man "safe"?
A. I can think of four. He's already made up his mind about his sexual ethics. Few men can answer the question, "Will you ever commit adultery?" with a firm "No!" The best they can do is, "I hope not" or "I don't think so." That tells me that they hold a romanticized view of sexual intimacy and don't realize the deep pain and permanent damage adultery causes.
He assigns worth to a woman on the basis of absolute value rather than relative value. A woman's absolute value centers around her being a child of God, loved unconditionally by God, and given value as a human being. A woman's relative value centers around attributes such as body shape, color of hair, traits, interests, talents, and personality. I must neither ignore nor exploit a woman based on her looks.
He separates emotional from sexual intimacy. Our culture implies that emotional intimacy and shared love must find sexual expression to be fulfilled. It's the most destructive of lies. We are made with the capacity to love many people, relating to them in deep friendship and loyalty without sexual expression. Scripture couches sexual expression in terms of permanent, monogamous commitment, not romantic love.
He takes responsibility for his own sexual response. For some men arousal is license. They blame women if they dress, speak, walk, glance, or behave in a way that arouses their sexual interest. A safe male is strong enough to resist allowing visual cues to determine how he behaves.
Stan Thornburg is pastor of Olympic View Friends Church in Tacoma, Washington.
Adapted from Evangelical Friend (5-6/92)
Copyright © 2003 by the author or Christianity Today International/Men of Integrity magazine.
Click here for reprint information on Men of Integrity.
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Lord, show me what changes I need to make to become a male safe for all females created in Your image.
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