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Q. How can I let go of anger and bitterness toward, or feuding with, someone I once cared for?

A. Here are four ways to rethink your situation:

1. Be your own person. Even if your anger has festered for years, you don't need to let the actions of others dictate how you feel. Determine what you want out of the encounter. The old idea of counting to 10 is still a good rule of thumb before saying anything at all. It'll give you time to think about the situation and your response.

2. Don't intimidate, and don't be intimidated. Isaiah 1:18 says, "Come now and let us reason together." What a great idea. Be assertive by asking the person to be reasonable in your debate, even as you promise to return the favor.

3. If the shoe fits, wear it. There may be times when you'll be confronted with the truth but don't want to hear it. That's when your defenses may rise up like a 10-story building. Again, take a moment and listen to what's being said. If you need time to think about it, say so. Then ask God to give you the courage to accept the truth and confess your fault if necessary.

4. Practice intentional kindness. God's Word says that a kind word turns away anger (Proverbs 15:1). Think of something positive to say to the person—even if it's, "I hear what you're saying, and I need to take your comments seriously." Tell others when they do good work. Be known as someone who sees the best in those around you. Anger and honest praise have difficulty living together.

Gregory Jantz, a Seattle area psychologist, hosts a daily call-in radio show.

Prayer for the Week

Lord, empower me to channel my emotions so that I'm a guided missile, not a loose cannon.

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