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Q. How does my tight schedule stifle family communication?

A. Have you ever approached someone, only to hear them say, "Okay, shoot. But make it short; I have to be somewhere in ten minutes." You begin summarizing whatever you wanted to say, but soon begin hating yourself for trivializing something that's important to you. Meanwhile, your listener is stealing not-so-inconspicuous glances at his watch. After a while you clam up entirely, knowing that all you're going to get at the end of the conversation is a "Well, that's too bad. I feel for you. Gotta go."

Focused attention means being willing to hear all your children want to say. Giving your listening time generously communicates love and respect. It helps you concen- trate on what's being said without your thoughts darting to what you're running late for or what needs doing.

But what if my child suddenly wants to talk when I've got a prior commitment?

Those are tough calls. When you do need to leave a conversation before it starts, rather than brushing your child off with, "Tell me some other time, okay?" you can tell your child, "I really want to hear what you have to say. It's so important to me that I want to make sure you've got plenty of time to say it, and that you get my full, undivided attention. That's impossible right now, but let's plan on going out for dessert together after dinner tonight. Just you and me. Can you wait that long? Great. Now don't forget what you're going to tell me. I want to hear it all."

Ken Canfield is executive director of the National Center for Fathering.

Adapted from The 7 Secrets of Effective Fathers (Tyndale, 1992) by permission.

Prayer for the Week

Lord, help me to honor You in the way I communicate—both on the giving and receiving ends.

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